As He Uses Trickery To Get Us To His Parties

The last few weeks I’ve been receiving more and more of these strangely “chummy” messages. I’ve typed out one of these word for word for your convenience:

Hi sexy – saw u @ the beach – lets do drinks! GARETH CLIFF is live @ SOBHAR fri nite or meet me at the SOBHAR J+B met afterparty on Sat ? See u there ! xx

Now a lesser man may have fallen for this little trick (especially if they happened to be at the beach a few days earlier and had just had their chest shaved and thought that they looked rather dashing in a ruggedly handsome, Ben Affleck type of way) but not I. Oh no, not I.

And Sobhar is a hole, anyway. And Gareth Cliff is a big wally.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.