Shaun Barely Escapes With His Life

Someone You Might Bump Into Next Time.

As everyone knows, I have many interesting habits and idiosyncrasies. These include my favourite past time of chewing on my toenails and flicking them at my enemies. Another favourite habit or addiction I have is drinking copious amounts of Kuaui smoothies.

The other day myself, The Girlfriend and The Sister-In-Law went to get smoothies at Kuaui in Cavendish Square, Claremont, Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa, because:
A) they make the best smoothies in the world (fact) and
B) they are ice cold, and I enjoy getting brain freeze

Anyhoo, as we entered the first level of the parking lot, a huge, hairy, brown object came towards the car at breakneck speed, which obviously drew my attention as initially I thought it might be Bazza The Barry coming over to say hi. I hit the brakes like the true driving professional I am and watched in amazement as a giant brown rat came hurtling across our path. Honestly, it must have been the size of a small dog. Or a very hairy small child if it happened to walk on all fours.

We watched in amazement as it ran towards an old white woman who was attempting to break into a car, as old white women are prone to do. In one smooth movement the rat leapt up, bit the old bird’s head off, and then proceeded to break into the car himself. (We knew he was a guy rodent because we could see his balls, which were HUGE and made me feel very envious) Then, pulling away like a seasoned drag racer, it drove off, taking the Vineyard Road exit.

Shaun: Lucky To Be Alive

Seriously though, does Cavendish have a rodent problem? We were more than a little freaked out, and I had to carry The Girlfriends and The Sister-In-Law on each one of my massive shoulders because they are really afraid of rats, but obviously I’m not because I’m fearless and I eat rats for breakfast.

On the plus side, the smoothies kicked ass, as they always do.

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