March 19, 2007
As He Makes A Car Insurance Plug
Outsurance
Besides my legs and inner thigh insurance, my car is probably the next most important object I have insured every month, protecting me from the various hazards which could befall the fastest car in Cape Town. Being in the “high risk” category, I pay a small fortune, enough to fund a military coup in central Africa and causing me to live on crackers for most of the month, which I highly resent as I’m allergic to crackers and regularly make enforced visits to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.
Anyhoo, the other day I had just walked out of The HQ to find that Miranda, one of my tyres, had died sometime during the night. This upset me deeply as Miranda was one of my favourites, we had been through many turbulent adventures in the past and her sunny disposition was bettered only by her never-say-die attitude. Ooh irony, how cruel is thy nature.
After shedding a tear or two, I began realising my predicament, Miranda needed replacing. Of course I had Marvin in the boot, but I had no idea how to put him on. Many years ago my dad had attempted to educate me on manly things, but I had unfortunately slept through Changing Tyres Made Easy, having also previously bunked Meat Carving 101 and Not Throwing Like A Girl 102 E.
I then remembered watching infomercials at 4am during my bouts of drunken insomnia, and remembering that my insurance guys handled these sorts of things. Answering the phone in a sultry voice, the Outsurance lady muffled a laugh as I told her my problem, but then proceeded to have it sorted it out in the time it would have taken to phone my dad, have him berate me for not paying attention in class and then making me do it myself.
A guy in a bakkie rocked up after 15 mins, did his thing with what he called a “jack”, and then had my car good to go. My insurance guys phoned 15 mins after that just to confirm that everything had been sorted out. Quite amazing, my family and some of my best friends don’t even pay me that much attention. Marvin doesn’t have a car rim like Miranda did so that looks a little strange, but I can always sort that out. Bottom line is I was fairly chuffed with Outsurance’s level of service and customer care, which in today’s society is a pretty novel concept. Well done guys, now I’m off to get the old stomach pumped again.
