We Have A Sunday Session

It’s Sunday, and as usual, I am busy reading scripture, observing the Sabbath and meditating in complete silence amid the backdrop of scented candles. The Girlfriend is bored though and suggests we pass on the scripture and rigorous chanting this week. Never afraid of change, we decide to do something different and instead pay a visit to Caprice in Camps Bay, Cape Town.

We take off our robes, throw on some clothes and head on out to Camps Bay which - to the uninformed - is pronounced “Camps Bay“, a Dutch name which literally translates to “Beautiful warm place where beautiful warm Flossies can be met, and seduced.”

Claus Vanished, And A Crazy Bosnian Gypsy Took His Place At The Table.

Caprice has always carried a stigma of being a pretentious hotspot for rich and beautiful people. This is not the case though, which leaves me slightly disappointed, as there are seemingly many ugly and weird-looking people who frequent the place. The place seems rather placid, the sun is shining, and patrons are chatting away to the background sounds of soft, ambient music.

I am left slightly underwhelmed and disappointed, like the time I found out Britney Spears wasn’t personally emailing me (what the hell is “bulk email”, anyway?) Nevertheless, we settle down at a table in our six-strong Fighting Crew and begin the first of many drink orders.

The First Of Many Drink Orders. The Crazy Gypsy Was Getting On Everyone's Nerves.

The night quickly sails by, like a luxury Yacht on fast forward, when you watch it on DVD and want to skip that part to go to the next more exciting part. I’m suddenly alert to the fact that the sun has set, the place is packed and the music is rather loud right now. Curiously, there is also a bottle of whiskey at our table, purchased by a female patron who obviously liked the look of our six-strong Fighting Crew. How long was I out for? The Girlfriend wipes the drool from my mouth, takes my bib off, and tells me to go and freshen up in the bathroom.

Jameson Decided To Pop In For A While.

Once there, I encounter a rather annoyed gentleman at the urinal, who is arguing with his gentleman friend about the fact that he can’t get the next round as “his dad only paid him two thirds of his allowance this month”. They both look in their mid twenties, and obviously need the money, so I do my little party trick (the ability to urinate newly minted R5 coins) and toss them a few silvers for a couple of Vodka and Red Bulls. They seem slightly disgusted but take the money nonetheless.

On the way back I bump into Cape Town uber celebrity Jeanie D, sending her sprawling into the nearby tables. Remembering our last altercation, I take evasive action, running and leaping behind the bar, as two ninja stars come hurtling toward me (where did she get ninja stars from?) narrowly missing my well kempt hair, and lodging into the nearby wall. I quickly duck out and head back to our table.

I arrive back just in time for drink orders. Jäger bombs hit like a bullet to the brain, and everything seems fuzzy again, like the bad E-tv reception at The HQ, when I’m trying to slyly watch the Saturday night soft porn movie while The Girlfriend is asleep.

The night quickly sails by, like a luxury Yacht on fast forward, when you watch it on DVD and want to skip that part to go to the next more exciting part. I’m suddenly alert to the fact that it’s rather chilly, the place is still packed and the music is even louder right now, making my ears bleed a strange blueish liquid, which totally freaks me out because I’ve never seen anything like it. Curiously, the bottle of whiskey at our table is finished, and I have a very strong whiskey taste on my tongue. How long was I out for? Did I finish the bottle? What’s this strange blue substance coming out of my ears? These are the questions racing through my mind as The Girlfriend wipes the drool from my mouth, takes my bib off, and tells me we are to leave now.

With a stiff kick in the solar plexus, she sets me rolling down the street toward the car. Did I enjoy myself? I think I may have…sigh…I think I just may have.

Till next Sunday then.

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