As Shaun Reveals A Smelly Problem

Ster Kinekor - Will They Address My Problem?

Dear Ster Kinekor,

I am a regular patron at your various establishments, am a card carrying member of your prestigious club, and regularly badmouth your competitor, Nu Metro, to various friends and family. In short, I am a loyal customer.

Something has bugged me recently though, and I would like to take this opportunity to share my grievance with you.

The other day at Cavendish Square Ster Kinekor, in the foyer, before I entered the theatre itself, I was greeted by a rather foul smelling odour – quite a formidable scent which stung my nostrils and caused my girlfriend (The Girlfriend) to pass out. I was forced to revive her with a strawberry Slush
Puppie and smelling salts, which I thankfully always keep handy in my male handbag for situations such as these.

Anyway, we managed to stagger into the cinema and watch the film and, by the
time it had ended, were in better spirits again. Upon leaving the theatre (Cine 3) and entering the foyer though, we were again greeted by this horrible aroma, which left me with tears in my eyes and a bitter taste in my mouth.

Granted, I suffer from halitosis, and always have a bitter taste in my mouth, but this was really bad. Although I found the smell slightly familiar, I couldn’t quite place it and The Girlfriend and I spent the journey home discussing what it could be – Detergents which have gone off? Some sort of gas leak?

We were at a loss until we got home and I changed into my pyjamas. Upon taking my Spiderman socks off, that familiar smell emerged, causing The Girlfriend to pass out and forcing me to revive her with my trusty smelling salts.

You see, I hadn’t changed my socks for about 4 days, it’s Winter and it keeps my toes warm and snug. Your foyer, for whatever reason, reeks of smelly feet. I’m not sure if it’s the cleaning detergent you are using to clean the carpets, but something clearly has to be done about it.

I expect the odour of smelly feet in the comfort of my own home, not at my cinema. I trust you will look into this and rectify the situation immediately?

Yours Faithfully,
Shaun Oakes
www.shaunoakes.com

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.