At The Cape Quarter.

Tank Restaurant At The Cape Quarter.

I have always had a bit of a love affair with fish. It all started as a baby, when one of my cousins - envious of my ability to read John Grisham novels since birth - threw me into the dark abyss of the Indian ocean at Seaforth beach, Simonstown. Although I could devour a John Grisham novel with relative ease, I hadn’t quite grasped the concept of walking. Or swimming.

“Oh dear” I thought, as the previous 8 months of my life began flashing by. “I guess I shall be signing off then.”

I was sinking slowly to the bottom of the ocean floor, wondering if my financial affairs would be in order, when I suddenly felt a sharp nudge in the back. I turned around to find a school of Cape snoek who, upon seeing my predicament, got in underneath me as if a magic carpet, and guided me to the shallows - where my jubilant family awaited.

In gratitude, my dad immediately gutted the heroic fish and we had a lovely braai that evening, musing how intelligent and courageous the snoek were as we sunk our teeth into them. Ever since that day, I have loved fish, and so it was fitting then that we recently dined at Tank, a seafood and sushi restaurant at the Cape Quarter, in De Waterkant.

I was first to arrive, and immediately marvelled at the decor - which is very sleek and modern, very minimalist in fact. I ordered a Peroni from the rather perky waiter and waited for The Girlfriend. And waited. And waited. Christmas came and went, I turned 29, peace in the Middle East was finally realised, and still I waited. Eventually The Girlfriend rocked up, and nimbly evaded the fork I hurled at her in anger, expertly rolling, whipping out her pepper spray and then blinding me - in one, smooth motion.

Once I had stopped crying and regained the vision in my left eye, we decided to order. For starters we settled on prawn spring rolls in sweet corn and chilli sauce. This certainly appealed to our tastebuds so we had another. Then another. Eventually, prawn spring rolls in sweet corn and chilli sauce were coming out of my ears, which we then shared and ate as well. I cannot stress enough how good that was.

For our main meal we settled for the Rainbow Roll portions, a tasty and refreshing meal which left my mouth in ecstasy and me slightly aroused. Being a master with the chopsticks, I quickly and efficiently gobbled up mine, then made a dash for The Girlfriend’s. A quick warning shot of pepper spray was enough to ward me off however, leaving me to whimper and lick my wounds in the corner.

After a long and satisfying burp, it was time for desert. While The Girlfriend settled on a chocolate mousse, I decided on a New York style cheese cake. The chocolate mousse was simply amazing, whilst the New York style cheese cake - once I found it hiding under a garnishing leaf, was pretty good too.

Besides the excellent cuisine on offer, the staff at Tank are pretty jacked up too. Once I had finished dining, I tried to make a dash for the door, leaving The Girlfriend to settle the bill. In a flash, my rather perky waiter was on hand, barring the entrance with his relatively large frame, and forcing me to return to my table, where The Girlfriend awaited with a vengeful dose of pepper spray again.

Besides that though, we had a good evening. For a good night out, be sure to check out Tank restaurant, at the Cape Quarter near Green Point - I liked it, and I’m pretty sure you will like it too. Because I know what you like.

Yes, you over there. I know what you like. Don’t pretend you don’t know me.

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