July 25, 2007
Why Are Hot Women Attracted To Him?
Whilst browsing the net the other day, looking for naked pics of Patricia Lewis - as I’m prone to do whenever I have a spare moment, I’m convinced they’re out there by the way - I paid a visit to Seth Rotherham’s local site, where I stumbled across pics of hot British former television presenter Kelly Brook cavorting in the waves, as hot British former television presenters tend to do when presented with waves. They cavort. It’s true, see for yourself next time you see one encountering a wave.
Anyhoo, Kelly Brook is currently having sex with Billy Zane. Obviously not at this very point, well maybe she is - but she’s just as likely to be enjoying a cup of tea or having a tuna sandwich, the point is she’s living and fornicating with Billy Zane, renowned actor of such blockbusters as Susan’s Plan, Alien Agent and, lest we forget, Lest We Forget: The Video Collection.
He will of course also forever be known as having starred in the worst comic book movie of all time, namely The Phantom. Yes, I think we all remember that cinematic stinker, don’t we? Let’s put a still of that movie up, to jog your memory.
Billy Zane - The Phantom - The Lamest Comic Book Movie Ever Made.
Remember now? The plot was slightly hazy, but I remember the purple spandex suit and the fact that he rode around on a horse. What self respecting super hero rides around on a horse?
Not Very Sneaky The Phantom - Those Guys Have Got The Drop On You. Turn Around The Phantom!
Yes, admittedly he did star in the biggest grossing movie of all time, Titanic, but what happened next? The highlight of his career thereafter was being told to shut up by Derek Zoolander just before Derek took on Hansel in the walk-off, which was judged by David Bowie. And which Derek lost.
Billy Zane has just wrapped up filming on a movie tentatively called “Fishtales”, starring as Prof. Thomas Bradley, a professor by the name of Thomas Bradley, who falls in love with a mermaid. So again, admittedly, this role may well put him back among Hollywood’s A-list shortly.
Apparently Kelly Brook used to date British action hero Jason Statham, who we are all rather fond of, as he rocks the shit out of any movie he is in. Any movie. He just does.
Bizarrely Jason Statham also happens to be the nickname I was given in pre-school (or “creche” as it was known back in the day) so I’ve always taken a liking to him.
Billy Zane however, is a chop.
Jason Statham: Legend.
Billy Zane: Chop.
Kelly Brook: Loves Chops.
Billy Zane however, is a chop.
Huh? I said that already?
Oh.
Okay then, well done - you caught me out. I was actually just trying to end this off by saying something meaningful. I didn’t want to end off with the three images above.
Okay then. You can all go now. I’ve said my piece.
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