A Good Little Local Pub Spot.

Mambo's In Plumstead. Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

When I’m not putting together multi-million rand business deals, negotiating corporate take-overs, or painting my toenails; I enjoy nothing more than sitting around at my favourite pub, Mambo’s, for a quiet ale or two.

This invariably leads to a few stiff Jamesons thereafter, and as everyone knows, once that happens - things can get helluva crazy.

Over the years I have enjoyed many a wild adventure in that beloved pub, mainly occurring once the sun went down, but occasionally when the sun was shining brightly too.

These adventures would mainly involve Irish whiskey, loose cigarettes and the occasional inflatable sheep, the type of experiences which every exuberant youth goes through in the journey to becoming a man.

Mambo’s is supposedly a “caribbean” themed pub, but the decor is distinctively pub like. A pub is distinctive by the following attributes:

1) Cheap and easily accessible booze - No hovering at the bar for 40 minutes trying to get a drink. A deep and stern “Barman!”, will get you a frothy cold one quicker than you can say, “Stop! Collaborate and Listen! Ice is back with my brand new invention”.

Which never f**king rhymed in the first place. What gives, Vanilla Ice? You were a shit lyricist. People don’t like hearing that, but it’s true.

2) Numerous cigarette vending machines - This is your bar. Go on, fill up your lungs with nicotine. Cigars are also available, but I’ve been lead to believe that they are pretty mediocre.

3) Easy-on-the-eye bar staff - Pretty ladies with overly large cleavages are par for the course at Mambo’s. Is she into you?

When you ordered that Amstel she was clearly undressing you with her eyes. Oh yes, she wants you. Especially after you gave her that R5 tip.

4) Dodgy Music - Anything from Dire Straits to Kurt Darren. You will never know what tunes will crop up at Mambo’s. And who will end up dancing to it.

Sometimes a group off hot women will pop in, a Ricky Martin number will hit the decks, and then all bets are off.

5) Drunk Old White Men (DOWM) - This is quite an anomaly.You will find a healthy dose of DOWM at any pub worth it’s salt. Even pubs in “coloured” or “black” areas have their fair share of Drunk Old White Men. They sort of just magically appear out of nowhere - you didn’t ask for it, but it’s just there, like a Danny K fan club.

Or Danny K.

Drunk Old White Men are normally seen drinking brandy, or whatever it is you’re offering, and have a vast knowledge of a variety of sports. They also invariably have moustaches. Strange but true.

6) Rose Ladies - Another anomaly. They normally rock up while you’re sitting with your male friends drinking beer and talking about tits, and will think nothing of then asking for a donation so that some poor kid will have a teddy bear.

The nerve.

Yes, all these and more can be found at Mambo’s. It’s a fact, it’s the greatest pub in the entire southern suburbs.

What: Mambos
Where: Near the Ocean Basket and Mimmos off Plumstead Main Road.
How Much: + - R150 per person will ensure a festive time.

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