When You Have A Question They Cannot Answer.

Telkom. Touch Tomorrow. Whatever That Means.

Ever had to deal with a Telkom support operator? Not sure what their company policy is, but it seems like when there’s a problem that needs fixing, they’re always passing the buck.

Our phone lines at The Office were down the other day, and I took it upon myself to call up Telkom’s help line and sort things out. Firstly, I had to deal with that annoying pan pipe music, interspersed with news of Telkom’s The Lion King production with Pieter Toerien and Lebo M. This went on for several, painful minutes. Then, as I was about to plunge a blunt scissor into my neck, the operator picked up the phone.

Upon explaining my predicament, the operator then decided that she wasn’t in the mood to deal with my problem, and proceeded to put me through to another department.

After being passed around and around like one of The Gupster’s many flossies (floozies), I eventually found myself explaining for the 15th time what the problem was, only to then be given the vague and sweeping answer of - “Oh, it must be the ‘exchange’”

My mind numb from the pan pipes, I accepted this explanation and put the phone down. After realising that this means absolutely nothing to me, I banged my head into the nearby wall, and phoned again, going through the inter-department dance once more.

This time bizarrely, I was told that - “Oh, the problem is your internet service provider”. Not seeing the correlation between my internet service provider and the phone line, I spoke to a third operator, who then informed me that the problem was indeed on Telkom’s side and that a technician would be deployed swiftly.

“How swiftly?” I enquired, half dead from the glue I had been sniffing to block out their background muzak. In about 48 hours, I was told. Of course, that makes perfect sense, as their technicians clearly use ox wagons to get around. So, left without a phone line, I got other people to phone in with the same problem, keeping track of the various replies being received.

The results certainly make for fascinating reading, click the button below to see the findings of my study:

Try it for yourself, I guarantee you an operator will use one of the quotes attributed above. That is a fact.

What is going on there Telkom? Why do you keep messing with me? Is it because I wear glasses? Is it because I’m slightly overweight, and fond of tight-fitting black vests?

Do you think you can take me in a fight?

Well?

Do you?

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