Choke Choke Choke

I don’t usually like to gloat when I’m right, but after this Saturday’s events, I’ve been donning my Gloating Tracksuit, a burgundy crushed velvet number that I like to wear for occasions such as this.

You will of course remember my critically acclaimed Rugby World Cup Guide (A-Z) which I wrote a few weeks back. Basically when it came to the All Blacks I said something along these lines:

A is for All Blacks – A rugby team from New Zealand, consisting of mostly white chaps, which I think is what’s known as irony. They do come equipped with tattoos though, which makes a big difference to their street cred. A Google search suggests that they have a habit of “choking”. Which suggests that they don’t chew their food properly. One should always chew your food properly, or you may choke and die. The All Blacks won the Rugby World Cup in 1987, but back then there were only about 4 countries playing the game, so it wasn’t that important. People were more interested in football in those days, not rugby. The All Blacks are the favourites for the 2007 competition, as they are really good at rugby. This is because the sport is pretty massive in the country, being the second most famous thing New Zealand are known for.

Yes, well fans of the second most famous thing in New Zealand (after Russell Crowe) are no doubt still recovering from the mother of all hangovers, after the French put them over their knee, reached for the wooden stirring spoon normally used for soups, and gave them a bloody good hiding, not witnessed since my days at Catholic Primary School, where we were regularly beaten with raw strips of meat if we couldn’t recite the Angelus in Latin.

After seeing off those dirty Fijians, the Springboks now face the sneaky… Argentinans…. Argentines….San Diegans, whatever, in the semi finals and then probably the French in the final itself.

If we pull this off, it may well go down as one of the greatest moments in South Africa’s history. Yes, even greater than Kurt Darren releasing his epic album, Lekker Lekker.

But only just.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.