As We Name And Shame Some Litter Bugs

It was Sunday, and The Girlfriend and I were vigorously walking around the “hood”, something we try and do regularly, as this prevents us from becoming fat and sexually unattractive. We had just turned the corner in Weltevreden Street in Gardens, when she uttered her often used line, “What the f**k?”. This phrase usually comes out her mouth whenever I do something moronic or disappointing, like forgetting her at the airport or burning our bed with my GHD hair styler.

On this occasion it was aimed at someone else though. She had just witnessed a family in a black jeep-like vehicle who had pulled over and thrown out their rubbish onto the pavement, like a tik-addicted mother throwing her baby out with the bathwater. The Girlfriend, a keen environmentalist, was understandably incensed at the Pick n Pay doughnut box, Energade bottles and assorted bits of paper that had just landed on the street, and sauntered over to the car, with me in hot pursuit. Going over to the passenger window, she was greeted by a youngish black woman, wearing designer shades and a serious lack of moral ethics.

“Excuse me,” enquired The Girlfriend, “did you just throw this litter out your car?”

The woman, who appeared somewhat dumbfounded, stared at us blankly for a few seconds, before composing herself and answering in the affirmative, “Yes, I did.”

“Why would you do that?” said I, somewhat perplexed by her apparent ignorance. Blatant littering was like pissing on your office pot plant, or spitting in the public library - it was socially unacceptable. Her answer literally knocked me back, sending me sprawling into the nearby security gate. “Because I can.”, she responded, in a manner which indicated she thought this to be a witty and clever retort.

“Because you can?!?” said The Girlfriend, incredulously.

“Yes. I can,” she emphasised arrogantly, before her soft-cock of a husband decided that this was enough, and pulled away with screeching tyres, just as The Girlfriend was about to launch herself into the vehicle, and cut off their noses to spite their faces.

What was even more disturbing, besides the sheer audacity of this littering cow, was that this was done in front of her three young kids, who were seated at the back, and probably thought this to be acceptable behaviour.

Let me just convey the message - this was NOT acceptable behaviour, and this was NOT smart, especially when you’re driving around with personalised Cape Town number plates which are easy to remember, Jimmy 1 - WP.

Yes, Jimmy 1 - WP, James or whatever your name is - you are a disgrace and your wife / girlfriend seems to have as much intelligence as a common garden slug. Maybe we should just invite members of the public to dump their rubbish and unwanted shit on to YOUR property.

“Because they can”.

In fact, I would suggest that everyone in Cape Town keeps on eye out for Jimmy 1 - WP, it’s a black jeep, a smaller model than the usual 4×4, and let him know what a littering wanker he is.

Okay. Rant over.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

Let’s get back to being nice and having fun again.

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