On Second Thought, Make That 5 Rather.

It’s a new week, and what better way to start it than by going on a nostalgia trip and remembering some of the most awesome 80’s TV shows ever made? So let’s all strap ourselves in and go back in time, like in that movie, “Back To The Future“, except you won’t have to take your mom to the senior prom, or put up with Dr. Emmet Brown’s incessant bullshit.

In no particular order:

#5 - MacGyver

Who DIDN’T want to be like MacGyver, the mullet-wearing American hero who would regularly save the day with the help of his trusty Swiss army pocket knife? MacGyver didn’t believe in using guns, but then again, he didn’t really need to as he was probably the smartest man in the world.

MacGyver - Probably The Smartest Man In The World.

Basically, MacGyver worked for a company called the Phoenix Foundation, a job which ensured that every week he would find himself in all sorts of shit. This never really phased him though, and he would always save the day thanks to some brilliant engineering feat on his part. I remember one memorable episode where he constructed a projectile missile launcher using only a few paper clips, some dry ice, and a used condom. That’s the kind of man MacGyver was.

#4 - Airwolf

Airwolf was a kick-ass high-tech helicopter who OWNED the skies in the 80’s. Piloted by the awesomely named Stringfellow Hawke, Airwolf could do doughnuts, somersaults and flip flops in the sky, as well as flap jacks, top spins and jack hammers. I don’t really know what those terms all mean but I remember having a conversation with a helicopter pilot a few months back who used this jargon, so I’m just going with it. Stringfellow Hawke was of course also famous for being the original innovator of “Blue Steel”, showcased years later in the movie “Zoolander.”

Stringfellow Hawke Doing Blue Steel, With His Buddy Dominic.

Of course Airwolf could also fly at supersonic speeds, basically become invisible (stealth mode) and had all sorts of missile and guns which could blow anything up if it wanted to. It’s STILL the greatest helicopter action television series ever made, and is one of the main reasons why America outmuscled the Russians during the Cold War. Fact.

#3 - Miami Vice

The show that pioneered pastel-coloured suits, the rolling up of jacket sleeves, and wearing loafers without socks. Crockett and Tubbs were two stylish Miami undercover cops who specialised in laying the smackdown on the drug trade in the area. Driving sports cars, living in penthouses and wearing the latest suits, it lead to a generation of young South Africans wanting to become police officers. Until they realised that “Misdaad in Miami” was actually an American show, and was just dubbed in Afrikaans. Fok.

Miami Vice - All About Style.

The movie they made a few years back sucked balls. And that’s all I have to say on the matter. Watch the television show instead.

#2 - The A-Team

The A-Team were a bunch of bad-ass mercenaries (guns for hire) who were wrongfully charged for crimes they didn’t commit. They then went on the run, and the basic plot would see them kick the living shit out of all manner of bad guys on a weekly basis. (Although they never killed anyone though, the bad guys always managed to jump out of the jeep before it exploded). The A-Team consisted of Hannibal, Murdock, Faceman and of course B.A.

The A-Team.

I actually had a bit of a man crush on Faceman as a young lad, as I found his smooth, sleek hair very appealing, and I was greatly appreciative of the way he could always bamboozle people with his charm and ability to lie on his feet, two attributes I’ve learnt to develop over the years thanks to his guidance.

#1 - Knight Rider

The definitive 80’s television show, Knight Rider was about a high-tech talking car with artificial intelligence, driven by a mysterious man “who doesn’t exist”. Before the Hoff became an ironic hero in the new millennium, he was a bit of a legend back in the 80’s, and played William Arthur, an undercover police office who gets shot in the face, undergoes plastic surgery and becomes known as “Michael Knight”, the mysterious crime-fighter who works for the Foundation for Law and Government (FLAG), funded by Knight Industries.

Michael Knight, Giving Us The Thumbs Up.

Of course the best thing about the show, besides the Hoff and his amazing perm, was the car, the Knight Industries Two Thousand, also known as KITT, who could drive at supersonic speeds, could shoot bullets and missiles, drive through walls without any obvious external damage, and could also speak in an eloquent and articulate manner.

How awesome was that? The 80’s definitely seemed to produce some of the most memorable television shows ever made. Fact.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sitting here with a bit of semi right now, after reading through all that.

I think I’m going to lie down now for a while.

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