September 30, 2008
The Lazy Ones Who Smell Like Urine.
So I was walking back to my car the other day after running some errands in the CBD. As I approached the driver door, my spider senses suddenly kicked in, as a figure approached me from the starboard side.
Fearing an attack from another charity volunteer worker or distant cousin, I quickly assumed a defensive battle stance, something which I had honed through years of martial arts training held at the Catholic Church I attended as a young kid, back when I was still a hardened gang banger and aspiring hip hop artist looking to catch a break.
Instead of a middle-aged troll looking for money for the disabled, I was instead greeted by a man with a dirty orange bib, the kind of guy that you normally train yourself to ignore when you park and leave your car, as by acknowledging them you have effectively agreed to a verbal contract that you will pay them upon returning to your automobile.
It wasn’t those guys with the classy luminous yellow bibs - it was an informal car guard - one of those smelly guys who looked like they were rolling around in dog urine and cheap spirits, the ones who speak in pidgin English, and call you “Master” in a patronising and sarcastic manner.
Mentally berating myself for the fact that I actually made eye contact with him, I reluctantly pulled my wallet out of my underpants and scratched around for some loose change, which I knew he would probably just use to buy more glue to sniff, as he looked as if he had recently been in a serious car accident, and walked and talked in a manner of someone who had just experienced a massive head injury.
I didn’t have any silver coins to throw at him, and was pretty skeptical that he would have change for a R100, but I eventually managed to piece together about R3,80 - a figure I was convinced would be enough to get his next tik fix, as I had heard it on good authority that the street price of tik had dropped dramatically, despite the economic slump we were currently experiencing.
He gingerly picked up the coins I had casually tossed on the ground, looked at me with sad, deadened eyes, and that made a comment which literally threw me to the ground.
“It’s okay, you rather keep this, you clearly need it more than me.” he stammered in broken English, which immediately put me to shame, like a young and naive woman in medieval times, who falls pregnant and is immediately shunned by the ignorant villagers because she is unmarried and enjoys going down on the men when they come to swim at the creek nearby her cabin.
So was I being incredibly cheap and condescending?
What’s the etiquette with regard to paying car guards these days? Is a R5 the minimum expected in today’s financial climate?
I always assumed a R2 was enough for a brief 10 minute stay, but judging by his reaction this clearly doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. I eventually mumbled an apology, gave him the R100 note, and sped off in a blaze of screeching tyres and streaming tears.
Which leaves me with the following question - does anyone know what the accepted going rate for car guards are these days?
Your feedback would be greatly appreciated, because clearly I don’t seem to have a clue anymore, and I don’t think I can handle being humiliated by another car guard again.
Rude bastards.
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Umm . . R2-00 is enough. If he guards 100 cars each day (not impossible in high traffic areas - that’s only 6/7 cars every half hour), thats R200-00 per day, at six days a week, thats R1200-00 per week. 48 (even informal car guards need a holiday) weeks in a year. Thats R57600-00 a year or R4800-00 per month. Thats more than the teller at Pick ‘n Pay makes . . . .
ps at R3-80 - thats R9120-00 per month (more than 90% of the population make) - ungrateful dog.
Wow, thanks for that, Rain Man.
You’re right, he was ungrateful - I think he was unnerved when he saw where I stored my wallet.
Then again, the man smelt like deep fried onion, so he shouldn’t have really had a problem with it.
OK i’m from Pta so I don;t know if its different here. But any car guard getting more than R2 from me should thank his lucky stars. Any car guard getting anything for less than a half hour worth of parking should be lucky.
No my policy is nothing for places i frequent like the local Spar and at gym. If I’m somewhere I don’t know well and the guard actually does more than just stand there I’ll give him R2 and if there is some extra circumstance like its raining or the area is really dodgy and he actually looks like he knows what he is doing i’ll give him more to a absolute maximum of R5.
@Leon - I think it’s pretty much the same here too, R2 is generally the accepted amount for a brief stop as far as I know, and even then I tend to only pay if they’re waiting for me at my car.
Otherwise I usually break off into a brisk trot hoping to outrun them.
Once inside your car you can just crank up your music and pretend that you don’t see them tapping on your window.
I don’t pay the drunk ones, but here is a little something to think about:
For small things, base paying the car guards on what you spent:
If you buy a coke for R5 and pay the car guard R2, that is already too much because you are paying him nearly 50% of what you spent. For small things, it’s not worth paying them. If you spend R1000 at the shops, then R5 is worth it.
Also, most of the time when running into shops you will be under 10 minutes. Don’t pay a car guard R5 then, because that means he earns R30 an hour which is too much considering you don’t really need a car guard.
Also look at what sort of service a car guard offers. At night it’s cool knowing someone is watching your car, but at daytime it’s not really that necessary. And you don’t need to feel guilty not paying a guy because he stood behind your car waving his arms to help you get out your parking place.
You probably spent about R2000 or R3000 and many hours getting your drivers licence, you don’t need someone to help you reverse out of a parking spot.
I don’t feel guilty not paying car guards at all, because like most things in life, we can’t help everyone. If you had to pay everyone R2 that begged from you, you would need another job to support giving beggars money.
I still think major shopping areas should employ one or two security guards with batons and maybe guns to watch the cars, as opposed to loads of car guards who we have to pay. At Pick ‘n Pay you as an individual spend thousands of rands a month, making Raymond Ackerman wealthy, so why can’t they incorporate security in their budget to look after the customers cars?
The corporates are more greedy than us individuals…
I don’t have the white guilt thing, so R2 max…
However, if they accost me when I’m walking to my car (”I’ve been looking after your car Captain”), I just ask them which car is mine. Wrong answer = R0
I have decided not to pay those F*&%ers!!! A few days ago my friend gave this guy whatever little change she had and as we were getting into the car he THREW all the money he thought was useless at my car.
F^%&ING CHEEK!!! I had to hold my friend down while speeding away because she wanted to end his miserable life. So that little shit ruined it for the rest of his drunk friends who smell like urine. NEVER AND NEVER AGAIN!!!
I pay nothing now because if someone wants to hijack you or tow your beloved-automobile that ‘car-gaurd’ will be able to do NOTHING!!!
Interesting comments all round regarding the whole car guard situation. Sean’s idea of having someone walking around with a gun sounds quite promising, it wouldn’t have real bullets obviously, maybe those plastic pellets that can be used to scare off any informal guards trying to intimidate middle class shoppers into handing over change.
Hmm Well Personally if its a place i frequent often i Wont give them a Cent!
But if im in a high risk area i will probably give them at most a 50c.
With all the road taxes Car taxes license fees, Petrol taxes and everything else going up i tend to see them as an additional tax. I mean really how much do we have to keep handing out?? Robot begging? carguards? whats next?
As Caz has stated, Thers no way in hell he would be able to help you should someone come up to you with a gun .
Bear in mind this has happened to me lots of times where you drive in park your car, Come back and the car guard is gone… was he really looking after your car?
Also with regards to the so called “help” when reversing out of a parking… is he really helping you? or just waving his hands?
If it was not for the PDC on my car i would have hit many a car behind me WITH the help of one of these so called guards.
There is no Guilt on my side.