What A Sexy And Clever Heading

It was pissing with rain on Friday night in Cape Town, ideal weather to stay in and watch a romantic comedy starring Kevin Costner or Mark Ruffalo. It was fitting then that I found myself in the lounge at The HQ, under a warm blanket and on top of The Girlfriend, who I had successfully managed to pin down on the couch, which is no mean feat as she is surprisingly elusive in high heels.

It was whilst whispering dirty words in her ear, that my cellphone began ringing, temporarily distracting me and giving her the opportunity to land a stiff jab to my throat. As I staggered over to the bathroom to cough up blood, she unpinned her legs from behind her head and took the call. It was The Brand Ambassador, reminding us about the event at the Assembly night club in Cape Town later that night.

Although it was in our diaries, the magical chemistry between Ruffalo and Jennifer Anniston had caused it to temporarily slip our minds, and so we found ourselves frantically dashing through the poorly lit and dangerously wet streets of the CBD. Eventually we arrived, and settled down for an evening of Fish Eagle brandy and live bands.

We have spoken about Assembly before, haven’t we? I was actually there about two weeks back as well, but didn’t get a chance to report back on it as I was pretty vague about what exactly transpired then. I remember watching a band called the New Age Rockets, hitting a few shot of Jaegers (they hit me first and I retaliated), getting into a tussle with some other shots of Tequila, and then waking up the next morning with blonde highlights and a small packet of Flings down my pants.

On this occasion I planned on being pretty well behaved though, as those blonde highlights didn’t really suit me, and those Flings were f**king stale, so I was in no mood for a recurrence.

Ironically it was The Girlfriend who had a bit of an altercation, as when we initially arrived there, an obnoxious guy brazenly pushed her out the way as she tried to enter the Fish Eagled branded area. With stealth like precision, she proceeded to cut his hand off with her sharp tongue, and only gave it back to him after he had profusely apologized for the 5th time.

Anyhoo, where am I going with this whole thing?

Ah yes, we were there to watch some bands. I will now give you a brief summary of each performance that we saw.

JacSharp (I think that’s how you spell it) – Unfortunately we didn’t actually see them perform, as we slipped out to Cape to Cuba’s Cigar Bar in Long Street for short rukkie. I forgot to mention that, but ja, we did. The lead singer for JacSharp looked like quite a belter though. The Gupster saw them perform and when I asked him about them his words were “Erm.. I can’t really remember their set, but their lead singer was quite the belter.” So make of that what you will.

The New Academics – We saw a bit of them when we returned. (from Cape to Cuba) I think I may have seen them play before. Either that or I may have just heard something by Rage Against The Machine. That’s really what their sound is about – it’s like a metal / rock / rap kind of vibe. Think Rage, 311 and Shootyz Groove. If you don’t know those bands then you probably won’t be into them. The crowd at Assembly were certainly into them though.

The Gang Of Instrumentals – They were probably the most well known group on the night. I knew most of their songs via 5fm, so you get the idea that they were quite commercial. The crowd were pretty into them though, although their set didn’t seem to be very long. I think it was 15 minutes? Maybe 20? I think it probably just felt that way – by this time I had Fish Eagle coming out of my eyeballs, which freaked out The Gupster as he was busy talking to me at the time.

Anyhoo, I’m just going to end this now.

Just like that.

Without any summary or recap of what I had just written.

Is it bad journalism? Yes.

Do I care? No.

Pay a visit to Assembly’s website at www.theassembly.co.za

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