October 20, 2008
…Ever.
The dating game is a very strange and complex world. Some people attract the opposite sex through their humour and charm, others through their good looks and material wealth, whilst others get by solely through their ability to dance well to Kate Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl (And I Liked It)”.
Then there are others of course, who use pick up lines to try and score. Contrary to popular belief, pickup lines do not really work that well, unless said in a humorous or ironic manner. Going up to someone and saying “You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy” is unlikely to lead to sex. Ever.
I have seen that line work maybe ONCE before, and that was only because the guy shot the girl in the neck with a tranquilizer dart as he said it. So yes, I think it’s best if we all agree to steer away from chat up lines.
The ones below are probably some of the worst pick up lines you can use, so avoid these like you would avoid a man with no arms who desperately needs someone to unclasp his belt and help him pee. (Seriously, that shit happens)
1) Girl, your feet must be tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
Besides this being very lame, there are several fundamental errors with this particular chat up line. Firstly, you have things ON your mind, things don’t usually run THROUGH it. Also, why would her feet be tired? If she HAD been running all day, she would be sweaty, her legs would be sore, and she would have a bad stitch. She wouldn’t have “tired feet”. “Tired feet” would be the least of her worries. In fact, what the f**k does “tired feet” even mean?
2) You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you’re the Bomb.
Pearl Habour was bombed in 1941. The person you’re using this pick up line on was probably born in the 80’s, possibly the 90’s, if you’re dirty. There is a very good chance that they will not know what you’re talking about. Let’s rather keep that pick up line to ourselves, shall we? Yes, lets.
3) Hi, I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
May have worked in 1983. Definitely doesn’t work in 2008.
4) Your dad must be a thief, because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
Slightly clever, up until it’s brought to your attention that her dad is actually in jail for theft.
5) I want to be on you.
It didn’t work for Ron Burgundy, so why would it work for you?
6) If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
The answer is invariably no.
7) Nice shoes, wanna f**k?
A friend of mine used this line once. Suffice to say, his request was declined.
Your name must be Summer, cause you’re HOT!
A line which may appear cute enough, until it turns out that her name is Summer, resulting in several awkward minutes explaining that this was merely a coincidence and that you’re not a creepy stalker.
9) You know what would look great around you? My arms.
Before it becomes apparent that she much prefers the sight of her boyfriend’s foot wedged squarely up your ass.
10) If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Followed by a few seconds where she mentally goes through the alphabet, trying to remember where U and I actually go, before deciding that she actually likes them where they are.
Conclusion: There are of course, hundreds of lame pick up lines heard around bars, pubs and vegetable stands every day, but these are just a few of my personal highlights.
What is the lamest pick up line you’ve heard?
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a mate of mine has dropped this bomb.
walks up to a chick at the bar, takes a block of ice out of his glass and drops it on the floor (she is watching him at this point) and steps on it before saying…
“now that I’ve broken the ice, how about a drink?
Cheese of the day…”Excuse me…..Hi, I’m writing a thesis on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you”
if that fails you could always opt for classic old school…
“want to sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up”
Mad me laugh when I was in STD 5!
you’ve had 5 STD’s? Damn…
Are you wearing space underwear? ‘cos your ass is out of this world!
A guy in a restaurant hitting on a waitress and asking her where she works…..
Shane, “want to sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up”
PHENOMENAL! It’s a fact that I will use that line tomorrow
Well, thank you for your contributions thus far, ladies and gentlemen. (Actually, it’s all gentlemen at this point)
Much like Sean, I shall certainly be using some of this lines in the near future, albeit on The Girlfriend.
The Girlfriend has to laugh and she has to be suitably impressed!
Classics!
It’s not always what they say. It’s sometimes what they do. A 19-year-old prostitute tried to solicit business from me on a plane in April. He used all the same attentive body language that I am used to from 19-year-olds in Stellenbosch, gazing at me with a melodramatic expression as though awestruck when I unfastened my hair to make myself comfortable, etc., etc. He probably thought that, since I am more than twice his age, I should be flattered.
The worst one is:
Nice legs! What time they open?
I one fell for a cute guy at the gym who sardonically asked me: “So how much longer are you going to hog that machine?”
Another one that I’ve heard been used on several unsuccessful occasions:
Jock: “Hey chick! So did it hurt?”
Bimbo: “Huh?”
Jock: “When you fell out of heaven. Hehe!”
The icebreaker one is a little clever and usually works well… when the other person is drunk
PICK UP LINES THAT WORK IN: BRAKPAN, BENONI, SPRINGS AND BOKSBURG AND EDENVALE:
1) Did you farted, cause you blew me away!
2) Is your parents retarded, ’cause you sure is special.
3) My Love for you are like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in.
4) Does you had a library card, ’cause I’d like to signs you out.
5) Are there a mirror in your pant, because I can saw myself in them.
6) You maybe isn’t the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a
light switch away.
7) Dialogue:
Man - “Fat Penguin!”
Woman - “WHAT?”
Man - “I just wanted to say something what can like to break the ice.”
9) Your eyes is so blue as window cleaner.
10 ) If you is going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep till
the afternoon.
11 ) I maybe not is Mr. Right, but I can like to stoot you till he
is showing up.
Hey guys. God there bad. I’ve heard some worse though. Here’s a few:
Hello baby. My name’s pogo. Fancy a jump on my stick?
Throw me a life raft ‘cos i’m drowning in your eyes.
Your’e just like a parking ticket. You have fine written all over you.
“If you were a McFlurry then you would be a McGorgeous”
That is one of the worst chat up lines ive heard!