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Questions Asked When Travelling To South Africa

October 16, 2008

By Stupid Tourists.

I don’t usually just post emails, but this one was pretty good and made me bring up my toast through my nose, which is usually a sign that the content must be quality. So have a read through and enjoy. Oh shit - wait - let me just set the scene for you - these questions about South Africa were apparently posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Okay, go.

Does it ever get rainy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water…

Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a List of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? ( UK )
What did your last slave die of?

Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…. Oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
No, WE don’t stink.

Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population Is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
Yes, gay nightclubs.

Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
Only at Christmas.

Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegetarian hunter- gatherers. Milk Is illegal.

Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

How funny was that? VERY funny, that’s how much. That question didn’t really need an answer, but I threw one in anyway, because it’s Thursday and that’s how we roll.

[thanks Santi]

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2 Comments so far

Shane October 17, 2008 10:05 am

While in Thailand, I met a Norwegian and told her I was from South Africa…her response was…”why aren’t you black?” I kid you not.
SuperS October 17, 2008 2:50 pm

When I worked on a Cruise Liner in the Caribbean and Alaska, I had so many similar questions it went beyond funny. I mean really, how can anyone be soooo flippen ignorant?? Sheezzz