Are You Allowed To Give Them A Good Kicking?

It’s after 1am right now, and I’m struggling to hear myself think. This could be partly due to the copious amounts of Jameson enjoyed earlier this evening, or to the fact that I’m a very soft thinker, but I think it’s mostly because of my neighbours who have decided to throw a trance party in their lounge, and are currently jamming away to the sounds of Infected Mushroom.

I know it’s Infected Mushroom because I can actually hear every single instrumental note currently being played, which annoys me because I f**king hate Infected Mushroom, and regularly speak ill of them to my friends and family.

I usually pride myself on being a pretty “hip” and “with it” kind of cat. Or dog. You know, someone who is cool and down with the shizzle. As they say in the woods.

I am quite annoyed by this however, and currently find myself sitting here wailing and gnashing my teeth, like an aggressive dog who has just found out that the poodle next door has pissed on his lawn, and is patiently waiting for his owner to open the front door and let him out, so that he can insert his paw squarely up the poodle’s arse. And not in a sexual way either. Inserted in such a way that will insure the poodle will NEVER piss on the dog’s lawn again.

Anyhoo, I’ve gone off on a tangent now, let me just quickly collect my thoughts.

Okay, I’m back.

So now in all seriousness, when is it deemed acceptable to drop kick my neighbour down a long flight of stairs?

Would this be regarded as one of those situations?

Or am I just being a square?

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.