Letter To Truworths From S.Malambo

Next time you get a letter to pay your debts from your creditors, be sure to remember S.Malambo’s letter.

Letter To Truworths

Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 1 May in which for the third time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to reimburse you as soon as possible.

However, I bring to your attention that I have many more creditors, quite as honourable as you, and whom I wish to reimburse too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly whom I hasten to refund immediately. I hope that yours will come out shortly.

Sincerely Yours,
S.Malambo

PS: I have great regret in informing you that given the unceremonious tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.

The shocker is a hand gesture with a sexual connotation. The ring finger and thumb are curled or bent down while the other fingers are extended. The index and middle fingers are kept together (touching) and the back of the hand faces outwards (away from the gesturer). The gesture refers to the act of inserting the index and middle fingers into a vagina and the little finger into the unwitting anus, hence the “shock”. Because of its explicit sexual connotation, the shocker is sometimes considered vulgar. Occasionally, the thumb may be positioned so that it may stimulate the clitoris. Mnemonic rhymes are used in order to remember its meaning, including “two in the pink, one in the stink,” and “two in the goo, one in the poo.” [via Wikipedia and Steve O]

• He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics.
• He was known as “O’Bomber” at high school for his skill at basketball, and even today will own you on the court.
• He won a Grammy in 2006 for the audio version of his memoir, Dreams From My Father, which sold 100 million copies worldwide.
• He is left-handed – the sixth post-war US president to be left-handed. He is also black. The first US president to not be white. And crusty.
• He has read every Harry Potter book, including ones that haven’t even been written yet, and thinks Voldemort is “a bit of a prick”.
• He can speak Spanish, Afrikaans and a little bit of Xhosa.
• He smokes cigars and cigarettes, but only when he plays poker.
• He really enjoys playing poker.
• He can bench press an impressive 2000lbs.
• He has been to the moon. Twice.
• His favourite movies include Casablanca, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Pooty Tang.
• He lists his favourite musicians as Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, and Dr Dre.
• He was given the code name “Renegade” by his Secret Service handlers.
• He plans to install a basketball court in the White House grounds.
• For many years, he was referred to as “Barry”, until university, when he asked to be addressed by his full name.
• His hobbies and interests include “kicking ass” and “taking names”.
• His second name is “Awesome”.
• He would have liked to have been an architect if he were not a politician.
• He is an avid Springbok rugby supporter, and has a poster of Percy Montgomery on his bedroom wall.
• On his desk he has a carving of a wooden hand holding an egg, which is a Kenyan symbol of the fragility of life.