Something We Should All Take Note Of.

Passenger: Thanks again for stopping and giving me a lift. It would have been a helluva walk.
You: Sure, no problem. You kind of jumped in front of my car anyway, so it was either stop or knock you down, and I didn’t really want to dent my car.
Passenger: For sure. I’ve actually been knocked over twice this year already.
You: I’m not really surprised, you seem to just walk into oncoming traffic.
Passenger: Yeah, it’s mostly when I’m hammered. Anyways, do you have any music? It’s pretty quiet in the car, and the sound of your voice angers me.
You: Sure, there should be some in the front.
Passenger: Wait, there’s a couple of CDs under my seat.
You: Sure, go for – actually wait! Don’t!
Passenger: Urgh! What is this?
You: What is what?
Passenger: Under my seat. Is it… is it dry snot?
You: Come now, that’s ridiculous.
Passenger: No, that’s… that’s exactly what it is. My 5 year brother does this as well.
You: Does what? Does what exactly? What are you trying to say?
Passenger: Oh, I think you know EXACTLY what I’m trying to say, my diamond digging friend.
You: Well… I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about, dude. That’s dry candle wax that somehow got underneath my seat.

*silence*

Passenger: Maybe it’s best if you just let me out here.
You: It really is dry candle wax. I don’t know why you’re freaking out like this.
Passenger: No, I’m sure it is. I just… I just feel like walking now, that’s all.

Moral of the story: Don’t pick your nose and wipe it under your car seats. It’s disgusting, and if anyone discovers it, they will think you’re weird and appalling.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.