Nearly

With all this intense Cape Town weather, the early signs of a flu, and The Girlfriend refusing to obey my direct orders, I’ve been a little under the weather these past 7 days.

Just like Moses did though, I have risen from the dead, and managed to climb out of the whale that swallowed me, before proceeding to beat it over the head with the wooden cross that Gepetto made for me back when we were still buddies and gymmed together at the Virgin Active in Wembley Square. (before I caught him playing with his winky whilst watching me lather my thighs in the shower, but we’ll leave that for another day)

Anyhoo, with the holidays around the corner, it’s time to get into the whole “Christmas Spirit”, which means it’s time to send out the famous Shaun Oakes Christmas eCard, the greatest Christmas eCard ever made. Fact. As usual, it features Some Other Guy, as I couldn’t get hold of a decent model, and he always seems to be lurking around The HQ, looking for handouts and a warm meal.

Almost Xmas - No shitty gifts this year, or I'll never speak to you again.

As always, I’m constantly amazed by Some Other Guy’s perfectly even tan, his pearly white smile, and his weird-looking thumb, which looks like the tip of a long thin penis.

It’s a great eCard, with a compelling message - let’s face it, no one wants to receive shitty gifts this year - so feel free to use and share with your loved ones, your relatives, acquaintances and even a nemesis or two.

Anyhoo, I think I’ve rambled on enough for now, I’ll chat to you all a bit later again.

Cheers everyone, oh and nice meeting you by the way, although you should probably wear a bra next time. Maybe wash off some of that perfume next time you come around here again as well.

I’m just saying.

Don’t get all huffy about it.

Well, f**k you too then. It’s a horrible aroma, I was just being honest. I don’t care if your grandmother bought it for you, it’s smells like a mangy dog threw up all over you and then left you to bake in the sun. That’s exactly what you smell like.

Okay wait… put that down…. I was only joking. There’s no need to make threats.

You smell great.

No seriously. You do.

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