To Add To Your Vocabulary.

I was talking to some cool people the other day, and they were using words I wasn’t really familiar with. So, pretending to be hip, I just nodded and smiled as we spoke, then later ran home to do some research and find out exactly what the f**k they were actually saying.

Now it’s time for you to learn some new lingo, so let’s go through these shall we? Yes, I think we shall.

Salad Dodger
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

Swamp Donkey
A deeply unattractive person.

Testiculating
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

Blamestorming
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

Cube Farm
An office filled with cubicles.

Prairie Dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

Sinbad
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Oh No Second
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’).

Greyhound
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Monkey Bath
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ‘Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!’.

Mystery Bus
The bus that arrives at the bar on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th Marzen Gold, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

Tart Fuel
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

Tramp Stamp
Tattoo on a female.

Nice, I think we all expanded our knowledge today.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.