January 7, 2009
Some Random Advice
So I received a weird phone call the other day from someone producing a dating show on one of our local television channels. For some reason, they guy mistook me for some sort of Dating Svengali, and asked me for any off-beat tips for engaging with the opposite sex. Not skipping a beat, I proceeded to inform him of the “Wrong Number Theorem“, which I will now share with you.
Scenario: You’ve had sexual relations with someone approximately 4 months ago or longer, and haven’t called again since. Time has passed, and you’re now pretty keen to have another go. You’re a bit shy and hesitant to just call up though, and you’re also not sure what the vibe between the two of you might be like. After all, you having your way and then never calling again may have been a pretty shitty thing to do. This is when the “Wrong Number Theorem” comes into play. Simply call them up, and pretend you dialed the wrong number. If you play your cards right, it should play out similarly to the following:
Ex-Lover: Hello?
You: Hi, is that Jess?
Ex-Lover: No… this isn’t Jess.
You: Are you sure?
Ex-Lover: Ja…pretty sure. I’ve been called Jane my entire life. I’d be pretty surprised if my name was actually Jess this whole time.
You: Oh my God, I must have dialed the wrong number, it’s me [Name]. How have you been?
Ex-Lover: Good thanks, no complaints. How have you been?
You: Great thanks, I heard you were engaged or something? Congratulations, who’s the lucky guy?
Ex-Lover: Engaged? No, no I’m not engaged, I don’t even have a boyfriend right now.
You: That’s so weird, I’m sure I heard you were planning on getting married soon.
Ex-Lover: No. Ha ha, not sure where you got that from.
You: Okay, well that’s great then. Maybe we can have a drink sometime this week?
Ex-Lover: Well… my room mate is actually out for the night. Why don’t you come over and we can shag?
You: Sure, not a problem, I’ll be there shortly.
The earliest known example of the wrong number theorem. Everyone was eager to see it play out.
An ethical and charming technique? Negative.
Slightly pathetic yet brutally effective? Affirmative
Just like that, you’re back in there. I’ve been lead to believe that this works for both men and women, so take the proverbial ball, and run with it.
Shaun,
I can confirm that this does work and is rather awesome. Guys especially fall for this little ploy time and time again.
I can second that this is very pathetic but also very effective. We men have used this method for centuries, from the days of cavemen mistakenly clubbing the wrong mate.