How The F**k Do I Get A Club Card?

Clicks Club - Very Exclusive, Apparently.

So I was buying my weekly batch of El Grande condoms the other day, when I found myself at Clicks in Gardens Centre. I wasn’t quite sure how I got there (I usually make my purchase at the Pick n Pay downstairs) but I think it had something to do with the flossie in front of me who I must have absent mindedly followed, after spotting her wearing the shortest denim skirt in the world, and who then proceeded to look at me with mild disgust as she caught me staring at her shapely, tanned inner thighs, coincidentally whilst gently stroking my flabby, pale inner thigh.

Short denim skirt. Similar to the one encountered at Clicks.

After explaining to her that I was practically blind and that I just happened to be looking in that direction, she eventually accepted my apology, and told the security guard to release his baton from my throat.

It was then that I staggered over to the counter to make my purchase, and again encountered something I have often wondered about.

“Do you have a club card?” enquired Anthea, somewhat too enthusiastically for my liking.

“I actually don’t” I said expectantly, waiting for her to offer me an invitation to this hallowed club.

As expected though, that was the end of it, she didn’t ask me if I wanted to join, and an awkward silence ensued.

Does anyone else experience this, or is it just me? Once you tell them that you don’t have a Clicks club card, they NEVER ask you if you would like to join. Isn’t that weird?

Why is that?

I want to join.

How do I join?

I went to their website and I couldn’t work it out there either, there is just some mention about a credit card. What’s the deal Clicks? Why is your club so f**king exclusive?

Am I not cool enough?

Am I?

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.