February 11, 2009
Don’t Take This Away From Me.
Besides drenching my feet in Arnica Oil, and listening to my vast collection of Spice Girls songs, inserting cotton buds into my ears would probably be my third greatest pleasure when I’m all alone at The HQ.
Well, besides enjoying Anime porn (known as Hentai) obviously, but that’s a given. (Come now)
Cotton Ear Buds - Giving Shaun Great Pleasure.
The feeling of a cotton ear bud deeply penetrating my skull is nothing short of orgasmic, and something I look forward to on a daily basis. I shove it right in there, just touching the outer nerve endings of my brain, and derive immense joy from this little ritual of mine.
Which is why I was rather saddened this morning, to open my bathroom cupboard and find the following staring at me rather meekly next to the El Grande condoms.
Baby Ear Buds - What The F**k Is This Then?
Baby ear buds? Are you kidding me? I can barely fit this up my nostril, let alone my ear. What am I supposed to do with this, The Girlfriend?
Is this in retaliation for the incident in the bedroom the other day? I told you, I was feeling flatulent, I didn’t realise where your face was, I already apologised a thousand times now, I even did that thing you like with my big toe and the silicon spatula. Twice!
Jesus, throw me a fricken bone here.
Not happy with this, let me tell you.
Not happy at all.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m showing you my stern face.
It’s a stern-faced Shaun right now.
Stern-faced.
So where exactly up on the list of pleasures does hentai sit then? O.o
what the hell is The Girlfriend trying to do to you!?
I think the total extacy of the earbud is a guy thing though. Not sure the girls fully understand how phenomenal it is to poke your brain with the soft tip of a cotton bud.
maybe I’m wrong?
@Craig – When a man finds himself alone at his HQ, with a couple of DVDs and a bit of a semi, the Hentai option clearly takes precedence.
@Nash – You’re right, I don’t think women seem to grasp this. The Girlfriend seems to think these shitty buds are a healthier and safer option. She heard this on Oprah apparently, which again confirms my theory that Oprah is in fact, an Enemy of Man.
I get told that the smallest thing that should fit into your ear is your elbow. What the hell? It must be Oprah…the enemy of man.
that statment makes no sense at all.
firstly, try get your elbow to your ear…. ya exactly! you look like a fool and it cant even get there.
I’m gonna save all my used ear buds and mail them to oprah
I am a woman and absolutely love the feeling too!
@Kev – I know! I’ve heard this been mentioned before as well. Would they rather have us walking around with waxy ears? No, I think not.
@Nash – Damn straight. Oprah is playing us all for fools. She is evil, make no mistake about it.
It doesn’t make sense at all I know. But now I have learned that when my lady friend says to me “you never listen when I talk” I always respond by saying “how do you expect me to listen with my god damn elbows in my ears”. Its that or ear wax…