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Man Dies Whilst Wanking

February 17, 2009

Your Mom Was Right.

This is what we in the movie industry refer to as a “cautionary tale”. Basically, this English bloke kicked the bucket whilst enjoying what can be best described as a fairly elaborate wank. Read on:

A security guard accidentally suffocated himself in an autoerotic accident, an inquest heard.

Ralph Santiago, 31, was found dead in the men’s toilets of the building he worked wearing Wellington boots, a wetsuit and gas mask.

His body was found by a colleague at about 7am on Tuesday, July 22, last year, lying on the floor with a gas canister nearby.

Further rubber/latex outfits were found in Mr Santiago’s car and in the ladies’ toilets of his workplace at Aquis House in Blagrave Street, Reading.

The evening before he died Mr Santiago printed off information from the internet explaining how inhaling “poppers” (legal chemicals used to stimulate a sexual high) via a gas mask can cause arousal. [via]

Can’t say it’s the ideal way to go.

Personally I see myself dying in a heroic manner, more than likely whilst destroying an asteroid on it’s way to annihilate Earth, but not before giving a tear jerking speech to Ben Affleck, telling him that I think of him as a son, and basically giving him my blessing to f**k my daughter.

But that’s just me.

[thanks Darryn]


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5 Comments so far

  1. Nash February 17, 2009 9:14 am

    jesus that is hectic. his mom must be chuffed.

    one thing though…how the hell was he getting off if he was in a wetsuit? I’ve been in one many times and i’ll tell you for free that it’s pretty hard to get to your dork seing as the zip is at the back.

    I would be fine dying during a heroic orgy at the playboy mansion.
    just so you know

  2. The Spear February 17, 2009 12:45 pm

    Wow, I’ll have to be more careful in the future.

  3. shebeen February 17, 2009 12:53 pm

    Well that’s how Michael Hutchence went. Wankers, all of them.

  4. fandacious March 3, 2009 4:51 pm

    Did you just write your own death notice for publication one day when you die?

  5. SKY July 28, 2010 12:22 pm

    I`ll fuck any thing

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