February 17, 2009
It’s because when I walk around malls, I like to pop my shirt collar, and wear sunglasses whilst walking around the store. (I do this when I’m in a night club as well) I like to think I’m being ironic, and making a statement against the hordes of young impressionable people who actually do this because they think it’s cool.
The Girlfriend on the other hand, seems to think I am just being moronic, and so will regularly try and rip my shades off my face in a spiteful manner.
The other day, as I was purchasing my monthly supply of El Grande condoms, she called me over, saying she wanted to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Expecting to hear some filthy words, I quickly skipped down the Pick n Pay aisle to where she was crouching, ready to strike. With all the swift elegance of a short-legged gazelle, she leapt up, snatched my R30 shades off my face and hurled it toward the cold meat section at the Deli side, the section she KNEW I couldn’t enter, after having strong words with a worker there about the Humus I wanted to swim in last week.
So that, in a nutshell is why I wear cheap sunglasses. It’s because The Girlfriend keeps f**king with me and throwing my shades near cold meats.
Why do you keep doing that, The Girlfriend?
Do you want Beaulah to f**k me up?
You heard what she told me the last time.
Yes, that’s right, she said she would “kick me in my p**s”. Do you really want that to happen?
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