November 15, 2009
Not Enjoying The Windy Vibe
A picture of the wind. You can clearly see it on the right of this photograph.
I hate the wind. As far as I can tell, there is nothing useful about the wind. The only time I find wind truly worthwhile is when it’s your own, and you are breaking it. Besides that, its pretty pointless and I hate it, which is why I said it in the first line.
It’s called emphasis.
Seeing as its Sunday and really windy outside in Cape Town, I thought I would pen some reasons as to why the wind is overrated and crap.
- It blows debris in my eyes, causing me to blink and twitch irrationally, and this unsettles people, especially ladies and small kids.
- It messes up my carefully styled hair, and makes me look like someone who has not carefully styled their hair.
- It is loud and obnoxious, especially when you live in the city, and keeps The Girlfriend up at night, which obviously prevents me from then feeling her up in her sleep, which is one of my favorite past times.
- It dirties my car, and makes it look as if I have driven through a sandstorm, even though I have just had it washed and waxed, and grudgingly paid R200 to the car wash guy.
- When I wear Summer shirts, the wind humiliates me by getting under my blouse and exposing my beer gut and disturbingly high belly button to people, especially when I am speaking to pretty female people.
- Sometimes when I let my guard down, it actually blows me into stationary things, and once blew me all the way to Mossel Bay, causing me to miss work that day and get a verbal warning instead.
- It blows all sort of weird objects into my bathroom when I forget to close the window, like the time I turned around to find a grey pigeon watching me vigorously wank in the shower.
- The dry, window conditions causes my nose to fill up on diamonds, which I obviously then have to pick and flick, which upsets people as it is considered “uncivilized behaviour”.
Am I the only one who hates the wind? I doubt it.
Let’s hear some of the reasons why you are not a fan. Drop a comment below.
Oakes signing off.
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It makes women not want to wear short skirts/dresses for fear of them blowing up and revealing their unmentionables.
There are, of course, some women who deliberately wear skirts/dresses on a windy day hoping for this to occur. These are often very lonely, desparate women… and a few ho’s too.
I despise the cocking wind with a deep, burning passion. My hatred is unrelenting and if somehow the wind manifested it’s self as a living thing I would lock it in my basement and torture it for years using the cruelest techniques known to man. I would donate my own blood and organs to the wind to keep it alive just so I could torture is more. Tarantino would come to me for advice on how to make his next movie more bloody and gory based on my torture techniques.
I hope that gives you a better idea of my feelings with regards to the wind.
Nash…
OUT!
The wind messes up YOUR hair? Think of us poor women; there’s almost no point in doing your hair in the morning (i.e. brush and straighten) as the wind will go and mess it up as soon as you step foot outside. Gotta love living in the windy city!
It’s not that bad. I’m in University Estate and the wind blows here pretty much always. So I’m used to it. I do wear pretty hard gel though.
Shaun, I bumped into your site while hoping to find Nelson’s Eye’s menu. Your blog is crass, funny, and rather moreish. Well done!
I have to comment on a couple of up-sides to the wind, which does, of course, suck as much as, if not more than, it blows.
(1) But if we didn’t have such crap wind, we would have more Vaalies. (They can change the name of their province in an attempt to obscure their identity, but we all know they are still Vaalies.)
(2) If it didn’t blow our beautiful City Bowl would smell like a rancid combination of stale, wet ashtray and unwashed, 40 degree armpit. Which, you might counter, could also deter Vaalies, but on a good day, that’s exactly what Joburg smells like. They’d just feel at home.
(3) If you took up kite-boarding, you’d be able to do something useful with the wind, and spend a few seconds between the car and the surf with some hot woman changing into or out of her wetsuit (if you aren’t already thinking about women in rubber, now is the time), while the good Cape Doctor tries his best to wrestle her towel from off her waist.
So, the wind does suck. But sometimes sucking has benefits.
kaapstorm has some good points there, most of all his final unnumbered one, the wind does indeed suck when most people think it blows. i don’t have the time to go into the physics of this, but trust me it does suck.
anyway, point3 is kinda my stock answer. we have one of the most awesome windy cities in the world, so don’t fight it join it. you won’t believe how excited we get when a proper south easter pomper comes up ont he windguru predicition screen
but there already too many of you hacks on kites getting in the way of us windsurfers.ja the wind sucks
I am from PE… and man you can give me rain, snow, extreme cold, but wind… I hate it and here you can pretty much expect it every day.
PE Vibe out!