But I Can’t Because They Are Cartoons

It’s a balmy Tuesday evening and, rather than clean the kitchen as I was meant to do, I would rather sit here and talk about the hot cartoon characters I would sleep with, if I was somehow transformed into a cartoon myself and managed to find my way onto their syndicated television show. (it happens) Without further ado then, allow me to share with you some of my personal favourites, in no particular order:

Teela (from Masters of the Universe)
Teela was He-Man’s female friend, and insisted on prancing around Eternia in a skimpy one-piece, alongside He-Man, who did not wear any pants. The friendship was apparently purely plutonic, but when you consider how her dad, Man-At Arms, was always angry and pissed off, it kind of gave you an idea of the shenanigans that no doubt went on once the show ended. The pic below was actually pulled from a He-Man book I owned when I was 12. As you can imagine, I treasured this particular image the way a squirrel would treasure his first acorn of the Summer.

Teela - Eye-f**king He-Man whilst her dad, Man-At-Arms, looks on disapprovingly.

Cheetara (from Thundercats)
Cheetara was a half cat, half babe who crash-landed on Third Earth with some of her other friends, known as the Thundercats. I could never quite work out whether she was naked or not, and this always made her one of my favourites. Although I didn’t realise it at the time, the way she expertly handled her long pole-like weapon probably also won me over.

Cheetara - Half cat, half babe.

April O’Neil (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
April was the red-headed minx who was fond of yellow jumpsuits and white boots. She was an investigative reporter who was always getting into trouble, thus needing Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael and Donatello to come to her aid. I think it was the damsel in distress vibe that really turned me on, and I would often fantasise about coming to her rescue and freeing her from Shredder’s overtly elaborate traps.

April - Calling Shaun to save her from Shredder's overtly elaborate traps.

Hex (from ReBoot)
Hex was a villain with a hot, tasty body. Sure, she was evil, and nearly destroyed Mainframe, where the inhabitants in ReBoot lived, but she also wore sexy skin tight outfits which showed off her ample curves, and was fond of those knee high boots which I have always been a fan of. If I was a game sprite, I would probably let her destroy my world, that’s all I’m saying.

Hex - Villain with a hot, tasty body.

She-ra (from She-ra)
She-ra was apparently He-Man’s twin sister and her show was meant for girls. This didn’t make sense though, as she was fond of wearing the skimpiest white skirt on the entire planet of Eternia, even giving Teela a run for her money. If she asked me to help her fight hundreds of the evil Hordak’s minions, I don’t think I could say no. Especially if she wore a skirt like the one below. I mean, come on, the girls at Caprice are probably not even brave enough to pull this off.

She-ra - Giving Teela a run for her money.

Before anyone says anything, yes, I left out some obvious candidates like Jessica Rabbit, Ariel (the little Mermaid) and for some, Smurfette (come on, admit it)

Otherwise, I believe that this is a pretty solid selection of hot cartoon characters, and I dare you to better it.

Any other characters I have missed?

Oakes signing off.

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