A Public Request

Finding words to describe how I feel about this right now is near impossible; Since the night I spiked your drink at Tiger Tiger, and you still went and made me a full English breakfast the next morning (despite the fact that I wet the bed after peeing in my sleep) I knew then that our journey was going to be a long one, I just had this vibe that you were something special. Our journey up until now has not been easy, mostly because I tend to be a bit of a dick, but every step of the adventure has been worth it and I wouldn’t give up a single experience for anything else. Well, except maybe that one night with the SABC continuity presenter and the dead Gemsbok, that was just a weird evening.

If push came to shove I would probably give up that experience, but otherwise I think we are pretty solid.

There has not been a single moment during our relationship where you have not been there for me. You’re always around to to lift me out of that hole I keep falling into in the back garden (which reminds me – we need to fill that up this weekend, someone could break a leg), and of course you are there to share all my victories, like the time I saw that guy fall out the tree – Christ, that was a classic moment, I laughed for at least three minutes that day. I know that I’m difficult, in fact, we both know this, yet you understand me sometimes better than I understand myself, I never imagined meeting someone who fully understands that I actually need someone to clip my toenails, as my legs are too long for me to reach them myself.

It’s shit like that which makes me think you are awesome.

As a teenager I always dreamt of finding “naughty pics of Pamela Anderson”, spurred on by all the Baywatch episodes I love to watch. It was a dream and now I sit here typing this realising that it is no longer a dream, I have actually found naughty pics (and videos) of Pamela Anderson, thanks to you showing me how to circumvent sites without paying any subscription fees. My dream is now a reality and my eyes fill with tears of joy and my body begins to tingle at the thought of finally being able to have a good look at CJ Parker’s boobs.

Anhoo, I think you are awesome, and now I’m feeling a little peckish.

Will you make me a sandwich? There is some pastrami and gherkins in the fridge. No cheese though, as I seem to be lactose intolerant these days and I don’t want to be sniffing all night.

Please come and bring it to me outside :)

[Inspired by this post].

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.