67 Years Old And Still Pumping

Jacob Zuma - A secret member of the X-Men?

I found yesterday’s news about Jacob Zuma having his 20th kid pretty awe inspiring. Not because I condone his behaviour - I don’t really - I think five wives is a bit of overkill and overly boastful.

It’s a bit like those guys you see at the Virgin Active gym, who will insist on walking up and down the change rooms completely starkers, on the basis that their winkies are the size of a grown man’s arm, thus making you feel deeply insecure about what you felt up to that point was a perfect and adequately sized member of your own.

We get it Jacob, you’re well into your sixties now and you’ve still got the goods, why don’t you just sit the next few plays out now?

No, what I am amazed about though, is how he manages to find the time to get his groove on. If the news reports are to be believed, this isn’t one of his five wives he has knocked up, but rather a 39 year old divorcee he has managed to wine and dine over the last 18 months. On top of all of this, he also has another woman he is engaged to, and plans on marrying shortly. So that’s approximately seven women he has to satisfy on a weekly basis, in addition to being fatherly to his 19 – and now 20 – kids.

I just can’t fathom having up to seven women to regularly please, whilst making sure the bin has been emptied, helping the kids with homework, and doing the odd-jobs around the house, like changing light bulbs, mowing the lawn etc.

On top of this, let’s not forget the small fact of Jacob Zuma being the president of South Africa, which I would imagine must take up a fair amount of his time.

Now, I’m not a president, but my work takes up a pretty decent chunk of my day. So much so that in many instances during the week, I just don’t have the time or energy to even feel up The Girlfriend, never mind wining and dining her.

Having just one version of The Girlfriend can be quite a handful, and the thought of having even two, let alone seven, is enough to make my testicles threaten strike action, and send a Labour lawyer to come and negotiate revised working hours and better pay over weekends.

Either Jacob Zuma is a mutant, with the unique ability to be in multiple places at the same time, or I am clearly taking the wrong vitamins.

Either way, a 67 year old man having consensual sex with a 39 year old woman deserves a round of applause, whether you agree with his actions or not.

Oakes signing off.

Did you enjoy this post? Of course you did! Now join my growing army of subscribers and get free updates in your Inbox whenever I write something breathtakingly new. Become cool by association and get ShaunOakes.com in your Inbox.