February 24, 2010
As Shaun Takes A Moment To Gloat
A Smoker: About to get screwed by the Man again.
With Pravin Gordhan’s budget speech last week, heavy smokers can now look forward to paying more than R1000 per month for the pleasure of putting tar in their lungs. I can of course sit back and be rather smug about this – with it having absolutely no bearing on me – as I have not had a cigarette in more than 5 months now.
This may surprise many of you, my mom included, but I have often flirted with the likes of Rothmans, Peter Stuyvesant and Marlboro over the years.
Going through about four packs a week – usually two during the work week, with another two during obligatory Friday and Saturday night binge drinking sessions – I may not have been classified as a heavy smoker per se. Looking back, I don’t think I ever woke up wanting to have a smoke – cravings usually occurred whilst vanquishing another stiff Jameson, or trying to look cool in front of impressionable young 18 year old girls who found guys who smoked “edgy”.
There were of course also times when I felt nervous and needed nicotine to calm me down, often when I needed the courage to speak to someone prettier than me, or when I needed to persuade bosses that it would be in their best interests not to fire me, and that they should in fact pay me more instead.
The shock tactics employed by anti-smoking organizations never really phased me. Sure, you hear all the bad press smoking has, the fact that it causes lung cancer, emphysema, can make you sterile and even cause impotency. As a young stud finding his way in the world however, these were not the types of issues which would keep me up at night.
Talk of impotency is best left to old people with saggy balls or the Brazilian footballer Pele, not a twenty year old man who can just about pee straight. As such, these concerns would often all be filed in the “Let’s worry about this in another few years” folder, which also contained plans to eventually be tax registered, and to set up a high yielding pension fund.
As a rule, I tended to buy the “Smoking Can Harm Your Pregnancy” boxes anyway, as it served to re-assure me, fairly confident that I was highly unlikely to fall pregnant, and thus could smoke without causing any danger to my unborn child.
No, It was the noticeable signs of ageing that eventually lead me to throw my cigarettes away.
I was pretty comfortable with the smell – for many reasons, I found it rather comforting that I permanently smelled as if I were at a braai, and the smoker’s breathe could easily be countered with the disciplined use of sugar-free chewing gum. It was the yellowed teeth, wrinkled face and slightly grey complexion I developed which eventually swayed me though.
Which is why I believe these anti-smoking adverts should seriously change their tact. Showing pictures of black lungs are not going to get people to stop buying cigarettes. Showing a photograph of me after a heavy night of boozing and smoking just might though.
Oakes signing off.
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