I Want Some

What Shaun really wants right now... The tickets, not the Muslim family.

I want tickets to the FIFA World Cup. In Cape Town. I just want two. That’s all I want.

Okay, maybe four.

But that’s still not asking for much.

I tried doing the whole “queue for your tickets” vibe, when they announced that the over the counter sales would commence in April. In damp drizzle, I stood in a line for hours with other desperate men and women, silently urging each other to give up and go home, thus shortening the line and the time it would take to get us to the front of the queue.

Eventually, the drizzle got the better of me and so, with my hair suitably minced, I left the line and tried to purchase tickets online instead.

The cheap seats are almost always unavailable though, and I am left with having to pay about R1,150 for a ticket, the thought of which leaves me with severe indigestation and a pain in my scrotum. (I get a pain in my testicles whenever I have to part with money).

So, rather than experiencing uneasiness in my gonads, I will rather sit here and wait patiently for someone to give me two tickets to one of the Cape Town games. I am very inclined to the go to the Netherlands vs Cameroon game, but I’m not really that choosy to be honest. Shit, I’d even go see the Portugal vs Korea game.

Okay not really.

The Netherlands game is what I really want to see. So drop me a line and hook me up.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.