Huge Ones.

The Bee: A huge arsehole of note.

I’ve been meaning to talk about this for a while now. I’m not going to build this up with an elaborate introduction or bizarre metaphor as I sometimes do, and so will just jump straight into it.

I hate bees.

It sounds silly, but I really do. I think they are all a bunch of arseholes who bring nothing but sadness and frustration to my world. If a genie came up to me and offered me one wish, I wouldn’t wish for untold riches or being able to sleep with a beautiful woman. I already have that. I would probably wish for the end of all bees.

All they seem to do is try to piss off and annoy me. Whenever I am outside trying to have a serious conversation with someone, a bee will appear and try and mess with me. They will proceed to fly straight at me, giving me the impression that they are actually going to sting me in the eye, before pulling up at the last possible second. This isn’t enough to prevent me from taking evasive action, and so there I am ducking and diving, bobbing and weaving, whilst this f**king insect deliberately mocks me and makes me scream like an infant.

Apparently they are an important link in the whole circle of life, helping to pollinate flowers, but that doesn’t really impress me. Nature has a way of adapting, and if we saw the end of bees, I’m sure another type of insect would step up to the plate.

Butterflies for instances, or those dragon-fly waspy things that fly around swimming pools when you have added too much chlorine.

And I don’t really like honey so it’s not as if I would miss that. My mom made honey-coated chicken once and it made me feel sick for days.

Bleh.

I could so live without honey.

And the movie they made? Bee Movie?

Shit Movie more like it.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.