But It Is Physically Impossible, So I Can’t.

Bushmills Whiskey: Shaun would get sexual with it, if he could.

There are many reasons why whiskey and I are on such good terms these days. Firstly, it’s not vodka, which means I will never be tempted to drink it during office hours or on Sunday mornings before church.

It’s not rum, which alleviates the little man who craftily manages to crawl inside my head as I sleep that night, and who then insists on drilling incessantly in my brain the next day. Whiskey is also not brandy, which means I am less likely to wake up the next morning to find someone’s foot wedged firmly up my ass, after I had decided to make ambiguous remarks about their mother’s possible promiscuity.

So yes, whiskey is more of a refined drink, for more of a refined Shaun. I’ve always enjoyed the smoother taste of Irish whiskey, as opposed to the smokier Scotch variety, and so looked forward to attending a recent Bush Mills whiskey tasting. “Bushies” if you are really good friends with it.

I take it you are all familiar with Bushmills, right?

It has a similar vibe to Jameson, in that it is also an Irish whiskey. I’ve been getting better acquainted with it for a while now, and it is quickly becoming a quite a favourite in the… well… Favourite Son household.

Sorry, I paused there because I realised I would be using the word “favourite” twice in the same sentence. I try not to do that as far as possible, but I kind of just walked into that one, so I’m sorry about that, it was a bit of a rookie error on my part, but in my defence, I’m a little elegantly wasted right now as I write this, as I sit and enjoy another glass of Bushmills straight up.

No ice, no water. A stiff Bushies. That’s how real men drink it.

So anyway, I found myself at the Bascule Bar at the Cape Grace hotel a couple of weeks back, nibbling on chicken tidbits and sipping on some A-grade malt whiskey from Bush Mills. I went through the standard 5 year blend, the Black Bush, the 10 year, the 16 year and then eventually ended off with the 21 year whiskey.

This wasn’t a usual bender though, but was all done in a tasteful manner, as I was carefully taken through the various steps involved in creating this fine Irish whiskey.

I usually have a very low attention span, but I found it quite interesting, and am now pretty sure I would be able to successfully bullshit my way through a dinner conversation around the types of woods used when blending whiskey.

If you are someone who doesn’t need to bullshit however, and are quite passionate about whiskey, you may be interested to hear about the campaign Bushmills is currently running called “Make it at Bushmills”.

As you might have figured out, it involves spending 30 days learning how to make whiskey at the Bushmills Distillery in Ireland, learning from their master distiller, Colum Egan. If you don’t end up embarassing yourself, and actually show that you are reasonably talented, you will be able to take a case of your very own blended whiskey home with you.

Sound good?

Then check out http://www.facebook.com/Bushmills1608 and click on the link to enter. They are picking finalists from each participating country, so there should be at least one South African who makes the cut.

[UPDATE: APPARENTLY THE COMPETITION CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT - 30 JUNE - SO BEST BE ENTERING NOW]

Anyhoo, I’m going to have a lie down. Let’s chat again later.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.