As We Try Sneaking Back Without You Noticing

Facebook Status Update

So has everyone been enjoying the football? I know I have, that’s why I haven’t bothered talking to you guys in a while. Whenever I thought of giving you a ring, I’d realise that Germany was about to play Ghana, or Holland was kicking off against Cameroon and decide to check them out instead.

I’m sure you understand.

Anyhoo, moving on then, and to get back into the swing of things, I thought I’d share some amusing Facebook Status updateds with you. I love Facebook Status updates. If Facebook Status updates had boobs, I would probably gently fondle it, making it look like an accident though, so that there wouldn’t be any weirdness between us.

Okay, I think I have waffled on enough, here with 39 (ish) of my favourites which I have ruthlesslessly pulled off the net.

• 1) is the terror that flaps in the night.
• 2) is thinking playing leapfrog with that unicorn was a bad idea.
• 3) is the last of his kind.
• 4) was a cop. She was a stripper.
• 5) is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
• 6) is rated R, and is not suitable for families with small children.
• 7) is bad for your health.
• 8) is going to write that blog post about procrastination. Tomorrow.
• 9) is beating his previous record for number of consecutive days alive
• 10) made you look.
• 11) is getting jiggy with it.
• 12) never judges a book by its cover. He uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
• 13) thinks elevators probably smell quite different to midgets.
• 14) is not confident. He is convinced.
• 15) thinks the worst thing about censorship is ***********.
• 16) hates being bi-polar. It’s awesome.
• 17) would like to thank the Academy.
• 18) comes with batteries.
• 19) is the guy your mom warned you about.
• 20) loves lamp.
• 21) thinks Dorothy Mantooth is a saint.
• 22) has a move, and needs to bust it.
• 23) is posting on Twitter that he is updating his Facebook status update

Okay, let’s chat again later, when I have something more substantial to say.

What was that?

I only listed 23 Facebook Status updates?

Yeah… I kind of lost interest after a while. I think 39 was always going to be a bit of a stretch to be honest. Oh well, 23 will have to do then.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.