June 28, 2010
As Shaun’s Ears Bleed
Vuvuzelas are loud and crap. I don’t care if it’s a “uniquely South African thing”, just because it’s local doesn’t mean we all have to like it. The singer Danny K is local and no one really likes him, I think he is loud and crap as well.
Not as loud and crap as the vuvuzela though.
Couldn’t we have rather come up with something less annoying? Like a dance or some sort of sporting chant? Christ, even our lame unofficial rugby anthem we sing when the Springboks are winning – Ole, ole ole ole, ole, ole – sounds good right about now. I agree with anyone who says the vuvuzela kills the atmosphere at the stadium. It hunts the atmosphere down and strangles it.
I went to watch the Holland vs Cameroon game the other night, after getting my clammy hands on some World Cup tickets.
I managed to put up with the ridiculously overpriced food and beverages (two chicken pies and two beers for R100). I even managed to ignore the annoying old man who sat next to me, who kept trying to make random conversation whilst I nibbled on my overpriced pie (“Their goalkeeper is really tall, hey? It’s getting quite cold now, hey? That was a bad miss, hey?”) and who complained bitterly about the woman in our row who went to the bathroom twice during the second half.
Sure, I managed to deal with all that, but not the vuvuzela. I think I enjoyed the novelty of the vuvuzela for about 5 minutes when I initially entered the stadium.
Then it just began irritating me.
You can’t hear the crowd cheering, or shouting, or angrily swearing at players – you know, the type of interaction that really creates atmosphere at a live game.
No, all you hear is this incessant buzzing sound.
It’s like sticking your head inside a large music speaker and turning the bass up. To make things worse, a fat balding man wearing an undersized Argentina jersey and an untreated case of hellitosis (he was seated behind me, and was a heavy breather) whipped out a horn attached to an airbag, meaning he didn’t even have to blow on it, he just squeezed the bag over and over and over again. And again. And again. And again. And over and over again.
I’m pretty confident that the vuvuzela will go down as the worst thing to come out of post-apartheid South Africa since Barry Hilton and that shitty Egoli movie they just made. Oh, and anything made by Leon Schuster after his candid camera stuff in the 1980′s. Those were still okay, but his actual movies he has made after that have all been shitty and annoying.
Just like the vuvuzela.
Oakes signing off.
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