Let’s See How This Pans Out

No Booze for Shaun. For at least 100 days.

So I’ve been feeling like shit lately, and in an effort to remedy this, I of course decided to self medicate with copious amounts of booze, nicotine and other artificial stimulants. Surprisingly, this didn’t seem to help matters and so I decided to go on a 6 day meditation course, which I just completed this past Sunday.

A natural cynic, I usually leave all the new-age hippy stuff to The Girlfriend, but gritted my teeth, did my yoga, and got through it.

Now here’s the kicker – I’m feeling pretty good right now – I mean staggeringly good, on a scale of 1-10 I’m probably pushing a 9 right now which, for those of you who know me personally, will of course realise that this is an unheard of figure in the Shaun Oakes Happiness scale. It’s kind of a permanent state of that just-had-sex feeling, when you are glowing, and have that satisfied tingling sensation in your loins. Naturally, I am quite fond of this feeling, and I would be very comfortable with it staying around a while longer.

In order for me to do this though, I need to stick to some ground rules as outlined in the course. This involves giving up the following for at least 100 days:

1. Meat and eggs.
2. Stimulants. (chocolate, coffee, energy drinks, nicotine, drugs etc)
3. Booze.

Now thus far, I’ve gone 8 days without any of the above. I haven’t really missed meat yet, and the stimulants have been surprisingly easy to phase out. The ban on alcohol concerns me however, as I rely on it heavily as a crutch during social situations, as well as an occasional chaser with my cornflakes.

If you ever met me out and about in town, and I came across as charming, funny and rather flamboyant, I probably had a good few Jägers up my ass.

Not physically obviously.

I didn’t stick them up my rectum, I am just using euphemisms. Or hyperboles. Whatever. This isn’t really the point.

The point I am trying to make though is that I am more than a little worried that I’m going to be the boring guy now – well, more boring than I usually am. I have a big shindig coming up this Saturday so that will be my first test. I could either just pretend that I am as tipsy as everyone else (although my crappy dancing will probably give me away. I am a phenomenal dancer when I’m hammered, a mediocre one when not) or I could just learn to be interesting and confident without the aid of booze.

I’m leaning toward the former but I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Because we are all friends here.

And I do love you so.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.