You Sneaky Bastards

Mosquito - A bit of a dick.

Mosquitos have the worse sense of timing. They will think it’s perfectly acceptable to fly around my ears in the evening when I am trying to nap. Like right now.

I don’t really mind them sucking my blood – I’ve been lead to believe that I have really tasty blood, and I am not going to be a dick about it and not let them have a little nip.

No, what really annoys me is that they INSIST on then buzzing around my ears so that I KNOW that they are there.

That’s just rude and more than a little silly. It’s a bit like getting a free gourmet dinner from a philanthropist gentleman, and then getting kicked out of the 5-star restaurant because you were trying to grope his wife’s boobs in front of him.

It’s not as if I invited them in anyway. In fact, I’m not even sure how this particular one got inside, I never keep any windows open (I enjoy breathing in carbon dioxide, as it helps me lose conciousness quicker and have deeper sleep)

Anyhoo, that’s all I really wanted to say right now. I wanted to nap, and I ended up writing this instead.

Actually wait, I see him now…

Give me a second, I’m going to try and kill him quickly.

…

…

Okay, there. He is dead.

I just killed him.

In real time.

We might chat again a bit later, I just want to have a power nap first.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.