January 11, 2011
You’re Better Than That.
So I went to a dinner party the other night, at a vibey restaurant in Cape Town. Now, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I’ve never been the biggest fan of dinner parties. In fact, I look forward to dinner parties the way I look forward to breaking a leg, or having a car door close on my hand. I just find them too intimate for my liking, with everyone on top of one another, expected to make entertaining chit chat.
Growing up as a firm believer of eating and not speaking at the dinner table, I sometimes battle in these situations. I will thus either go completely overboard and become loud and obnoxious, or sit quietly giving everyone dirty looks. On both counts, this will severely piss off The Girlfriend, but on this occasion I managed to be reasonably sociable whilst respectable at the same time.
What ended up annoying me though, was the fact that at the end of the night, it became apparent that there were Dinner Bill Bandits amongst us. I’m sure you’re all familiar with Dinner Bill Bandits, they tend to appear whenever you’re at a restaurant or bar with 10+ people for a period longer than 90 minutes. By this point, a massive bill has been racked up, and people tend to pull a fast one with their contribution, leaving some poor Patsy (usually the last one to grab the bill) having to spend the next 10 minutes figuring out how the bill is R900 short.
As The Girlfriend doesn’t drink, she is the one who calculates our bill, and always insists that we add quite a generous tip on top of that. I don’t complain, as I know that pleasing her will at the very least result in me getting to feel up her boobs or inner thighs that night, so I’m quite happy to pay up.
Which is why the antics of the Dinner Bill Bandit leaves me with a feeling of injustice. If I’m paying over the odds, and we are still a grand short, then someone is pulling a fast one.
So next time you’re having drinks or a meal with a group of friends, and the bills comes around, don’t be a dick. Pay what you owe, and don’t forget to tip either. At least 10%.
I’m watching you.
You bloody cheapskate.
Oakes signing off.
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