Which Is Still 98% Better Than Having A Coke Habit.

It’s Tuesday, and if you were in Ireland, it would be Saint Flanaghan’s day, the patron saint of Pointless Information Sharing. In that spirit, I thought it only fitting to discuss some of the addictions which have plagued my life for several years, and share them with you in a point by point format. Here with Seven(ish) strange addictions which have afflicted me.

1. Addiction 1: Orbit Chewing Gum


Orbit Chewing Gum - A Firm Favourite Of Shaun

Quite possibly the greatest oral hygiene product ever made, Orbit Chewing Gum has been an intimate part of my life for many years now. I must have literally gone through hundreds of these packs – especially the special “Whitening” one, which makes my teeth literally glow in the dark. This chewing gum is so awesome, I sometimes don’t even bother brushing my teeth. Has anyone ever noticed? Exactly.

2. Addiction 2: Smelling My Ring Finger


Billy Elliot - Sneakily smelling his ring finger whilst pretending to smoke.

This seems vaguely familiar… have I mentioned it before? Oh look, indeed I have. It’s one of the most addictive odours known to man, and is something I regularly partake in. I usually make a fist – put my ring finger up to my nose – and then slowly nod my head up and down, whilst at the same time faintly murmuring to myself, as if deep in thought. The reality however, is that I am not deep in thought. I am just taking a giant whiff of my ring finger. And damn it, it smells good.

3. Addiction 3: Befriending people called “Kurt”


Kurt Darren - Not a friend of Shaun. Sadly.

I don’t often befriend people. (I actually hate other people, and in the past have had no hesitation in punching someone in the throat when I’ve sensed a social invitation forming on their lips.) When I HAVE befriended people however, 95% of the time, their name tends to be “Kurt”. Can’t explain it, but at last count, I know 17 Kurts, 15 of whom are huge wallies. The other two are okay though..

4. Addiction 4: Muesli


Muesli. Best thing ever.

Pretty simple one. To all the naysayers and cynics, Muesli is proof that there is a higher power watching over us, giving us the most noble gift of uncooked rolled oats, fruit and nuts. Perfect for breakfast. Or any other meal, for that matter.

5. Addiction 5: Lying In My Blog Titles


Jim Carrey In Liar Liar. Or Yes Man. Or Ace Ventura. One of those movies.

I said I was going to talk about 7, but in reality there is only 5ish. I enjoy a good lie. And I think I’ve said enough. I’m off to have some muesli now.

Feel free to drop me a line below. I may respond. I may not. You never know with me. I’m just a maverick that way.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.