Not Your Usual Auto Correct Fails.

Cell Phones: The Tools for Awkward Text Conversations.

It’s Monday the 9th January 2012. Speaking of cellphones, I thought I’d share with you some awkward phone text conversations I’ve had over the last couple of years.

I blame it all on getting a Smart Phone (The HTC Desire) as it’s made mobile texting so simple. I also blame the fact that on many occasions when I’m mobile texting, I’m stupendously hammered and oblivious to common sense. Here with a few recent clangers I’ve been involved in.

1. The Bad Karma Text Message



Hmmm... Awkward.

Bad mouthing someone to a friend is bad karma. Bad mouthing someone over text messaging is badder (badder?) karma. Bad mouthing someone over text messaging, and then accidentally texting the person you were bad mouthing, is karma bending you over, and having her way with you. (she is wearing a stylish and elegant looking strap-on). The hairs on the back of my neck literally stood on end when I realised what I did, and I pulled my sex face, which was weird because I wasn’t naked, and it lasted longer than the usual 2 minutes. It was just very, very awkward, especially when I went back in to get another beer.

The Lesson To Be Learnt – Make sure you are not texting the person you are slagging off, when you are slagging off a person.

---

2. The Lady Luck Hates You Text



Oooooh, shit just got real.

This has nothing to do with karma. This is just pure bad luck. Ripping off a friend and calling him a F**knut is perfectly acceptable. Granted, suggesting that he is pleasuring himself whilst thinking of his mother is perhaps pushing the envelope a bit, but the friendship is strong enough to break through new frontiers of bad taste. The fact that his mom just happened to have his phone at the time though? Well, what can you say? To this day, it’s not something ever discussed, and I’ve taken the liberty of blanking out the names for obvious reasons.

The Lesson To Be Learnt – Don’t ever send funny but incestouous texts to someone, in case their mom sees it.

---

3. The Shitty Invitation Text



You are not getting a Christmas card now,

Now I’m not saying I hate dinner parties, but if dinner parties somehow morphed into a cute, spectacle-wearing little 8 year old boy, I would have no hesitation in punching the kid in the f**king throat. Nevertheless, I do have the occasion soiree to appease The Girlfriend. Sometimes though, the sending of invitations can go awry, as was the case above. Yes, it was badly organised on my part, and yes, they had a 40 minute journey to get to us, but we’ve never been invited to any of THEIR parties since though, which is more than a little childish.

The Lesson To Be Learnt – Make sure you are inviting the right people, when you send out an invitation text message.

So there you go, pretty awkward vibes coming out of this post, but I’m glad I shared it with you. Also, it’s much better than all those Auto Correct posts floating around. Like a drug-filled orgy, if you have anything to share, please feel free to send my way. (through the comment section below)

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.