Remember This For Next Time.

Just a random bar.

Old High School Friend: Hey Shaun Oakes.
Shaun Oakes: Hey You.
[Platonic kisses on the cheek]
Old High School Friend: How long has it been?
Shaun Oakes: Geez, like forever.
Old High School Friend: I know! Crazy, hey?
Shaun Oakes: You’re telling me. So wow, congrats. When did this all happen?
Old High School Friend: When did what all happen?
Shaun Oakes: All of this. [motions at her in a circular motion with his index finger]
Old High School Friend: All of what?
Shaun Oakes: The little bun in the oven.
[Shaun gently but authoritatively prods her stomach, realising too late that his hand is prodding a fat tummy, not a pregnant tummy]
Old High School Friend: …
Shaun Oakes: …
[Awkward silence]
Shaun Oakes: I’m sorry, I thought you were preg-
Old High School Friend: F*ck, you’re an arsehole.
Shaun Oakes: And the worse thing is I actually SAW the beer in your hand as well. I thought you were just being irresponsible.
Old High School Friend: Jesus Christ…
[Old High School Friend leaves. Shaun tries to remove foot from mouth.]

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.