Stop It. Stop It. Stop It Right Now.

The 80s. Slowly Being Stalked and Murdered by the Hippo.

I am quite fond of songs from the 80’s. In fact, fond is a severe understatement.

If the 80’s were a woman, I would very likely be trying to feel her up outside her car, after plying her with alcohol earlier in the evening and getting her to talk to me about sex. (this is a seduction technique called “Anchoring” – I read about this in an email I received the other day which also told me I needed penile enlargement)

I’m a huge fan of 80’s pop songs which is why the Hippo insurance adverts really anger me. Hippo is a company that gets you multiple quotes on insurance, which sounds like a pretty useful service, right? Sure, I would probably think it’s great too, were it not for the fact that they INSIST on butchering popular songs from the 80’s in their adverts.

They basically take the tune and chorus and add in their own shitty lyrics about insurance quotes. They started out by brutally maiming “We Built This City on Rock ‘n Roll” by 80’s super group Starship, and now they’ve done it again by bludgeoning “You Spin Me ‘Round” by Dead or Alive. See below.

Now as you know, things very seldom anger me, I’m generally described as quite a chilled out, laid back, slightly effeminate young man. Having said that, I’m convinced that if I were to bump into the Hippo from Hippo Insurance in the street, there is a fair to mild chance that I will end up inserting my foot firmly and authoratively up its bum hole.

I swear if they decide to mess with “Jump” by Van Halen I will completely lose my shit.

I don’t need the Hippo. Especially if he is going to kill my 80s vibe. Seriously, let’s stop doing that now.

Oakes signing off.

Shaun Oakes

This was written by the hulking mass of manliness known as Shaun Oakes. If you enjoyed what he had to say, you owe it to yourself to follow him on Twitter at @shaunoakes. Do it now.

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