As Shaun Finally Comes Of Age

Yes, who would have thought on that dark and stormy night all those years ago (21 to be exact, give or take a year or two) that I would be here today, writing about that dark and stormy night, all those years ago. The years have certainly been kind to me, as my photo archive below will surely attest to. Some have put it down to very good genes, others to my uber (without the “kappies”) healthy lifestyle, while a knowledgeable few even may point to the fact that I bathe daily in fresh goat’s milk, which I source from the three goats who live in the storeroom at The HQ.

I was in a nostalgic and reflective state the last few days, and so dusted off the old photo album and put a few pics up on the net, showing my dramatic metamorphosis from little boy to slightly effeminate man.

A 12 year old Shaun.

Looking fresh-faced and innocent. He has just learnt to throw like a man, and is beginning to grow facial hair.

A 14 year old Shaun.

Looking less naive and more world weary. By this stage he has now mastered the art of peeing while standing, but has unfortunately lost the ability to throw like a man, showing the rather disturbing trait of throwing like a 72 year old woman instead.

18 year old Shaun.

Looking more manly now, with his ruggedly handsome features beginning to shine through. Still throwing like a 72 year old woman, but has now discovered the joy of gymming, developing biceps the size of Mossel Bay. At this juncture he has also had his first kiss - a 15 year old Belgian prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

21 year old Shaun.

Looking like the rough-around-the edge, slightly dangerous and crazy guy everyone has come to know and love. His hair is soft and sleek like cotton, his biceps hard like a gall stone. The world truly is his mollusk (which is slightly below an oyster in the evolutionary cycle) and the sky may well be his limit.

Feeling a little drunk and emotional, I will now take the opportunity to toast all of you, yes even YOU - for those of you who know me, who did know me, or who now do not want to know me - give yourselves a pat on the back anyhow.

It’s been fun, look forward to seeing how the rest of this movie plays out.