Blind Vagrants Have Invaded Cape Town

When I'm not downloading tasteful pornography, making love to The Girlfriend, or watching "The Biggest Loser" on E-tv, I can often be found milling at The Office - a place where I spend a lot of time during the day. It was whilst making the journey to The Office recently, that I made a startling and rather peculiar discovery.

I was not wearing any pants. I was literally sitting behind the wheel in my silk boxers, the one with the stubborn pee stain which just REFUSES to come out.

I wasn't quite sure where my pants were, but the air conditioning offered my loins a refreshing breeze, so I just decided to go with it.

It was then that I made ANOTHER startling and peculiar discovery, which was strange as I'm usually quite content to have just the one per day.

As I stopped at the traffic lights, I realised that I was now denying the existence of the THIRD blind vagrant I had encountered since being on the road that morning. You must have seen this yourself, basically they stand at the traffic lights and slowly walk up and down, aided with a wooden walking stick, as well as a buddy who holds their one hand, as if they are walking down the aisle in matrimonial ceremony. Except that they aren't. They are looking for spare change.


Homeless Vagrant. Similar To What Shaun Saw, Except He Was Blind Too.

Slightly curious, I rolled the window down carefully, low enough to get a good view, without him being able to lunge at me and slobber me with poisonous vagrant saliva, as they are known to do.

"Hey, vagrant," I said authoritively.

"Why are you walking with that stick, and why are your eyes closed?"

He looked at me - well, he didn't really LOOK at me - his eyes were closed, but he turned to me and said softly, in pidgin English.

"I am blind, and the stick prevents me from tripping over shit in the street."

"But why are you walking with your eyes closed?" I pressed.

"My pupils are white and it freaks out people when they see me," he answered.

"Oh. So you really are blind?"

"Ja, the ladies like it though, because it means I have to really feel my way around."

"Really?" I ask incredulously.

"No, not really. I smell of pure onion, and that tends to keep the women away. I'm so embarrassed."

Still slightly cynical, I managed to pry his stick away from him, poking him in the ankle, and causing him to trip over some shit in the street. It seems this vagrant WAS blind after all, but I will reserve judgement on the other ones I've seen, until I've been proven otherwise.



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