Well, Now You Can.

A Lumberjack. Updating his Facebook Status.

I often get random press releases about upcoming events or parties, which I usually pay no attention to, as I am completely anti-social. I pretty much hate everyone, with the exception of approximately 27 people, 3 dogs, 1 cat and a Shetland Pony named “Sidney Poitier”. Before you ask, I don’t know why the Shetland Pony is named after a legendary black Hollywood actor, that’s just how he was introduced to me, he has always gone by that name, and it just feels normal now and doesn’t feel ridiculous at all when I greet him and say “Hi Sidney Poitier”, as he contently eats his hay whilst simultaneously taking a shit.

Anyhoo, I received a mail the other day about a Lumberjack Festival happening in Stellenbosch in a couple of weeks, which sounds quite interesting. Women find men with beards very sexy, and I would literally kill someone if it meant I was able to grow a thick, manly beard. Unfortunately I am blessed with a smooth, baby-like face instead. If you know of a way to magically grow a thick face bush, my offer to kill someone still stands. (Has to be someone fairly weak physically though, so I can easily choke them out)

Here is an extract from the email about the event:

There is a bunch of other info, so I suggest you go visit their Facebook Page or email them at lumberjackfest@gmail.com.

Lumberjack Festival Flyer

I’ll see if I can score some free tickets for a couple of you.

Oakes signing off.

Is Coming Soon. I Think.

Nando's Comedy Festival.

I love standup comedy. I love it so much. I would no doubt try and have sex with standup comedy if I could, but it’s physically impossible because standup comedy is an intangible thing which you cannot penetrate no matter how hard you thrust.

Nevertheless, I enjoy watching live shows because it allows me to relax, and also gives me new material which I can then shamelessly steal and claim as my own, whilst entertaining colleagues around the office water cooler.

“That Shaun, he is so entertaining and funny,” they will muse, not realising I have completely lifted the entire set of a hard working comedian who I had seen the previous night.

Anyhoo, where am I going with this?

Ah yes, I was going to tell you about the upcoming Nando’s Comedy Festival, which seems to be happening in Johannesburg, Durban and Cape Town over the next few weeks. I say “seems” because Cape Town has not been confirmed yet, which does alarm me a little bit.

The list looks pretty solid, with a mix of local and international guys. This is the current lineup:

1. Pablo Francisco
2. Loyiso Gola
3. Bobby Lee
4. Kira Soltanovich
5. Al Madrigal
6. Jonathon Arons
7. Trevor Noah
8. Dean Edwards
9. Jason Rouse
10. Eugene Khoza

Pablo Francisco is obviously the headliner. If you haven’t heard of him yet, then carefully climb out from under the rock you’ve been chilling under and have a look at the following clip, where he does a parody of the Movie Voice Over Guy.

Pablo Franciso - Telling you to climb out from under that rock you've been chilling under.

Sorry, that wasn’t a clip. That was a photograph of Pablo. I made a mistake.

Okay, here it is.

Would I be presumptious in assuming you enjoyed that? You can get more info from the Nando’s Comedy Festival website which is situated over here.

Okay, bye. See you later. I love you.

Yes, I do.

Oakes signing off.

Lets Check It Out

Two glasses of wine: About to be consumed by Shaun.

I enjoy the occasional glass of wine, usually out of a box, or those foil bags, sometimes out of plastic bottles as well, usually purchased from a 7-11 or seedy bottle store.

I’m not what you would call a wine affecianado. I don’t know my Merlot from my Cabernet, and if you were to ask me to savour a particular blend, I probably wouldn’t be able to pick up the essence of vanilla, or cherry aromas that made that particular Cabernet so special. I would probably just nod approvingly and tell you that it “tastes nice”.

I’m generally more comfortable with a beer in my hand, but 2010 is all about new experiences, and so I will be attending the V&A Waterfront Wine Affair, which will be taking place this week, starting from this evening in fact (Tuesday 4th – Friday 7th May).

There will be dozens of wine estates being represented, and a range of decadent gourmet food on offer, so put on your smart shirt, throw on some cologne and let’s go check it out, shall we?

V&A Waterfront Wine Affair Contact Details and Info

When: Tuesday, 4 – Friday 7 May 2010
What Time: 17h00 until 21h00
How Much: R90 Tuesday to Thursday and R110 on Friday evening.
Where: The Waterfront Lookout, above the Breakwater Parking Garage.
Parking: Secure, underground parking is available throughout the V&A Waterfront. The closest garages are the Granger Bay Parking Garage or Breakwater Parking Garage.

Buy your tickets over here, I’ll see you on Friday then?

Cool, you can buy me a drink.

Oakes signing off.