Shaun Does The Dinner and the Show

Madame Zingara: At Century City, Cape Town

So the other night – I think it was Thursday, but I can’t be too sure, my body clock is a little awry these days – I decided to check out and review the newly opened Madam Zingara at Century City in Cape Town. I really wanted to go that night, but The Girlfriend couldn’t make it, so rather than taking another hot woman and risking having my testicles transplanted to my throat in a non-surgical manner. (ie: The Girlfriend kicking me firmly in the gonads) I decided to have Steve O accompany me instead.

Now as far as I can recall, I had never been to Madame Zingara before, and so went in with absolutely no pre-conceptions whatsoever. I guess I could compare it to having sex with a lover for the first time, where you kind of expect that you will have a great night, but you’re never really sure until sometime during the middle when you pin her legs back and realise “Yes, this is actually a pretty awesome night.”

Looking back at the last paragraph I just wrote, that’s pretty much exactly how I would describe Madame Zingara. I’m not usually a show kind of guy, so was willing to put up with a little bit of singing and dancing whilst waiting for my supper.

Madame Zingara was not what I expected though, the show on offer was simply phenomenal, and it was about an hour into it when I realised “yes, this is actually a pretty awesome night”. It started off with two unbelievably double-jointed belters showing off their flexibility to the beat of some Indian chanting. “I’m very aroused right now,” I murmured to Steve O at the end of their performance, to which he duly concurred.

Flexible: Shaun endorses the performances.

And it just continued from there.

I’m not going to get into too much detail about each performance but I would agree with anyone who says the show is worth seeing. It certainly is. Pay special note to the roller skating couple near the end as well. That’s all I’m saying about it, you will have to see it for yourself.

The food, as one would expect, was also top class. Besides the show, the night comprises a four course meal, comprising appetizers, starters, mains and desserts. For our mains, we had the signature chocolate and chilli steaks, which went well with the butternut and broccoli side order. We didn’t really know what to do with the dry noodles though, and the best thing I could think of was using them to jab Steve O in the eye when he didn’t laugh at a dinner time anecdote I had graciously shared with him.

Besides that, he had a good night, I had a good night, and we both agreed that Madame Zingara is a good place to take someone that you are hoping to sleep with later that night, or even just someone you want to cuddle with later in the evening.

At this point you are probably wondering where it is, hey? Well, it’s situated next to the Mercedes Benz building in Century City, and I reckon you should all try it out at least once over the next few months. (This particular show, the 2010 Love Magic Tour, is scheduled to run until the end of the year)

It’s probably on the top end of Cape Town restaurants in terms of pricing, but you are getting a show after all, and the whole evening will last you just over 3 hours, so it’s well worth it. A bit of an “experience”, as they would say in Belgium.

Madame Zingara Contact Details and Info

What: Madame Zingara
Where: On the golf green parallel to the N1 and next to Mercedes Benz in Century City, Cape Town. (See here for map)
How Much: + – 350 per person. (Show, 4 course meal, plus drinks)
Contact: +27 (0)21 001 3366 and http://www.madamezingara.com

Oakes signing off.

Cape Town’s Softest, Stickiest, Yummiest Ribs

Bombay Bicycle Club: Oldest gentlemans club in the world. Not a strip club though.

The other day I felt weak and dizzy, and realized that I hadn’t eaten anything for three solid days. I quickly put my drink down and staggered over to the fridge, hoping for old takeaways which would still be fairly edible. I remember having a pizza days earlier and couldn’t quite remember whether I had finished it or not. I soon discovered the half eaten meal, but it was so old that it had evolved and had grown a mouth and two legs, and promptly jumped out the fridge once I had opened it, declaring that it would be clubbing in Camps Bay that evening, and inviting me to join it.

I politely declined though, I wasn’t really in the mood for clubbing, I was in the mood for ribs though, and so decided to head off to the Bombay Bicycle Club in Kloof street, as we all know they have the best ribs in Cape Town, right?

Bombay Bicycle Club: With their famous ribs.

What’s that? You don’t know about their ribs? Two massive racks of the softest, stickiest ribs you will ever have in your life? Come now, allow me to educate you then, as I recount my tale.

So upon arrival, I initially felt for some spinach, mozzarella and smoked chicken (as one does), and so of course ordered their Phyllo Parcels starter, which has all of the above. The Girlfriend, who had silently followed me like a ninja, decided on a prawn starter (Kataifi Prawns ), which I managed to nibble on whilst she powdered her nose, and which also had me nodding my head in approval.

The starters were like a good session of foreplay, and we were now ready to get stuck into the main course. Our ribs duly arrived and, to further continue the sexual theme, it can best be decribed as nothing short of orgasmic. These are pork ribs, which were lean and meaty, and which easily and smoothly fell off the bone, like a young man sliding his pants off at the sight of his naked lover sprawled on the bed. The ribs were ably complimented by a side order of brocolli, cauliflower and butternut, and by the end of the meal, I had the self assured smile of contentment that a man gets when he either has his feet sensually rubbed, or has just had an epic carnivorous meal.

Something else which grabbed my attention though were the two diners at the accompanying table next to us. Being a ferocious gossip, and a world reknowned busy body, I realised that they were somehow involved with the Bombay Bicycle Club restaurant, and overheard the fact that Madame Zingara will be opening again.

I later did a search on a nifty website I use called “Google”, and I see that there is indeed a Madam Zingara website which seems to be quietly running in the background. Not sure exactly when they are opening yet, but I subscribed to their mailing list for more info, so will keep everyone posted.

So yeah, after contemplating an ageing piece of pizza, things turned out pretty well in the end. Quite enjoyed the vibe at Bombay Bicycle Club, and I’m sure you will too.

Bombay Bicycle Club Contact Details and Info

What: Bombay Bicycle Club
Where: 158 Kloof Street, Gardens, Cape Town (obviously)
How Much: + – 250 per person. (Which includes mains, dessert and a few drinks.)
Contact: +27 (0)21 423 6805 and http://www.bombaybicycleclub.co.za

Oakes signing off.

Not Bad Pizza, Not Bad At All.

Bardelli's - In Kenilworth

I was driving through Kenilworth the other day when the strange heart condition I have suddenly kicked in. Basically, when this happens, I have to eat gourmet pizza as soon as possible or my heart stops beating and I die. Luckily for me, this happened just as I was driving passed Bardelli’s in Kenilworth Road, so I managed to avert an early death and enjoy pizza instead.

Bardelli’s has what some may call a “homely” vibe. Seated inside, the room felt like a lounge area of a suburban house, and wasn’t too big – there were about five tables with about 10 other guests in total. Apparently there is also a large courtyard outside where you can eat, but I wasn’t too bothered to go and check it out. The Girlfriend – who I had let out of the car boot once she promised to behave herself – did have a look around the back, and said it was tastefully decorated and fairly spacious.

Being fairly hungry at this point, we ordered three pizzas – bacon and feta, a vegetarian, and one with braised lamb. The pizza is served on an ultra thin crust and can be quite difficult to cut, whilst attempting to cut through her vegetarian slice, The Girlfriend succeeded in launching a piece of hard crust directly in my good eye, blinding me for the rest of the evening. After aiming a retaliatory punch at her, which she blocked with consummate ease, we decided to eat with our hands instead, which we both agreed was a more comfortable eating experience.

In terms of the pizza, we both enjoyed the bacon and feta and the vegetarian pizzas, which had just the right amount of rich flavour that one would expect from a gourmet pizza. The lamb pizza was a bit of a write-off however, with the meat both dry and lifeless, and we both felt that lamb should never be served on pizza ever again.

As we were seated in a fairly small area, we had no problem with the service, with the attractive – if somewhat ginger – waitress constantly on hand to ensure we were well served.For dessert, The Girlfriend had the creme brulee , whilst I polished off another Windhoek Lager.

All in all, an enjoyable night out. Bardelli’s isn’t a “hoity toity” or pretentious place, and would be a good venue for a midweek night out, or a fourth or fifth date venue, when you have already slept with your girlfriend / boyfriend, and can let your hair down and just enjoy yourself. The Girlfriend was certainly in good spirits when we left, and even let me feel her up in the car thereafter, so a good time was certainly had by all.

What: Bardelli’s
Where: 51 Kenilworth Road, Kenilworth (over the railway line coming from the Main Road, passed Ruby Tuesday)
How Much: + – 150 per person. (Which includes mains, dessert and a few drinks. Reasonable.)
Contact:+27 (0)21 683 1423

Cape Town Steakhouse Gives Shaun A Semi.

Nelson's Eye Restaurant

“I yearn for something meaty this evening,”said The Girlfriend in a yearning manner this past Friday.

“Well baby, I have something meaty for you right here,” I said charmingly, whilst seductively unzipping my pants.

This attractive offer failed to entice The Girlfriend however, and thus we ended up at Nelson’s Eye Restaurant instead.

Nelson’s Eye has an interesting vibe. It’s not one of your uber-trendy eating spots where everything looks, well, uber-trendy and visually appealing, and you end up with a plate of food which looks aesthetically pleasing on the eye, but also happens to be the size of your eye (sprinkled with a rich and spicy chocolate sauce or something else of that nature).

No, Nelson’s Eye is a hardcore steakhouse, they know they are good at steaks, and that’s what they do, they don’t f**k about with fancy trimmings. (they basically said as much on my plastic place mat with the large steak knife on it).

The Girlfriend had the fillet, whilst I went for the sirloin. It took about 30-35 minutes to prepare, but I was able to pass the time guzzling Hansa Marzen Golds, whilst slurring sweet nothings in The Girlfriend’s eye and mouth.

When the food arrived, we were both in agreement that it was worth the wait. My sirloin left me sitting there with a bit of a semi (it was that good), whilst The Girlfriend had that glazed look in her eye, which usually only occurs when she makes me wear that infernal Javier Bardem mask during “fool-around” time.

Price wise, it’s probably in the upper tier of your Cape Town restaurant vibe, but the food is well worth it – it also comes with a hefty portion of veggies and a choice of baked potato or fries, so you’re not going to leave there still feeling hungry.

Check it out if you’re in the mood for a hefty but tasty meal. It’s around the corner from the Mount Nelson Hotel, so it’s ridiculously easy to find.

It get’s my seal of approval, so you will no doubt enjoy it too.

What: Nelson’s Eye Restaurant
Where: 9 Hof Street, Gardens (coming toward Cape Town from the suburbs, first road left before Mount Nelson Hotel)
How Much: + – 200 per person. (for main course. We didn’t try dessert, as we wanted to go home and fool around)
Contact:+27 (0)21 423 2601

At The Cape Royale Hotel

It was a warm and Summery Thursday evening, which of course found me trying to seduce The Girlfriend, a weekly tradition we have in order to keep things “spiced up” in our relationship. She was having none of it though, and insisted that I romance her and take her out for a meal first.

Thus we decided to dine at 1800°, a grill room type restaurant situated in Cape Town, at the Cape Royale hotel.

The restaurant has a pretty chilled and relaxed vibe, with seating inside or preferably outside in the courtyard. I had just blowdried my hair, so was quite happy to dine outside.

For starters, The Girlfriend enjoyed the steamed mussels, whilst I tucked into the chicken liver dish. I’m not usually a fan of liver, usually only eating it when someone has pinned me down and forced it down my throat, as my mom used to do. This dish was immaculately prepared though, and the taste actually left me with a bit of a semi, which as everyone who is familiar with me will know is a glowing endorsement.

1800 Degrees Restaurant: It will give you a semi.

For the mains we were spoilt for choice. Although primarily a grill house, with a wide choice of delectable steaks on hand, their seafood was also supposed to be pretty highly rated.

I was in the mood for meat though, and so dived head first into the prime beef rib, with The Girlfriend – still feeling the seafood vibe – dining on the grilled swordfish.

My steak arrived with steamed veggies and three different imported salts, together with a sauce from Argentina called “Chimichurri”, which had a bit of a kick. The steak was tasty, yet wasn’t dry or tough as is sometimes the case with beef, and left me with my toes curled in quiet contentment. The Girlfriend was pretty cuffed with her swordfish, and agreed that we could now fool around later in the evening, much to my delight.

Not before dessert though, where we enjoyed Homemade Ice-cream and Vanilla Creme Brulee (“Broolay”, not “brully”, you Philistine)

So yeah, 1800 degrees restaurant has a cool vibe and a great setting, and would be a very good choice for a first date or just a romantic dinner, virtually guaranteeing you some action later.

Here with some more info on this Cape Town restaurant:

Shaun gives it three thumbs up. (He was three thumbs. Deal with it.)

What: 1800° Restaurant (www.18hundreddegrees.com)
Where: Cape Royale, Green Point Main Road,Cape Town
How Much: + – 250 per person. (for three courses)
Contact:+27 (0)21 430 0506

For Buffet Dining In Cape Town

It was a cold and windy Thursday, and I had just completed a long and busy day. The Girlfriend, sensing my fatigue, eventually decided to climb off my face and suggested we eat something.

“What do you feel like eating?” I murmured, as I looked around frantically for my dentures. We were in the mood for something both substantial and tasty, perhaps a buffet of some kind.

“Perhaps a buffet of some kind?” I mentioned authoritively, as I could read The Girlfriend’s mind and she WAS in fact, in the mood for a buffet.

So it came to pass then, that we found ourselves at The Fountains Hotel Restaurant in the city centre.

Fountains Hotel Restaurant

The Fountains Hotel is situated near the Foreshore (close to the Absa building) and, as the name suggests, IS in fact, a hotel. What you may not know about it, is that it also offers a lively and diverse buffet menu in the restaurant, where people can walk in off the street, and then proceed to feast and dine like they did in medieval times.

The restaurant is tastefully decorated, and surprisingly spacious, able to easily host 150 people plus. When you arrive, a waitor will seat you at the table and briefly tell you what’s on offer. Because it’s a hotel, and taking into account the various clientele, the restaurant tries to cater for all tastes, and thus a diverse menu awaits.

Initially we enjoyed a Greek-style first course of various breads, dips, cheeses and olives. It was whilst going up for seconds that I noticed some fish soup, eyeing me seductively on the table to my right. Naturally I obliged and headed on over to try that out as well.

For the main course we were again spoilt for choice, with various meat dishes batting their eyelids at us in a flirtatious manner. These consisted of lamb curries, beef stews, seared chicken breasts as well as prawns, all accompanied by a large contingent of vegetable dishes such as butternut, pumpkin, noodle salads etc etc.

If that wasn’t enough, the dessert menu also succeeded in getting us hot and randy. They offer something like 10 or 11 different desserts, from decadent cheese cakes, to simple vanilla ice cream.

All in all, we had a substantial three course meal, in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere, which ended up coming to the not very princely sum of R150 per person, almost unheard of in Cape Town. The service was pretty jacked up as well, and ensured that our table was never filled with dirty plates or glasses.

The Fountains Hotel Restaurant is thus an awesome spot for a Sunday afternoon buffet lunch with the family, or if you’re just in the mood for a wholesome three course meal during the week. It’s certainly incredibly affordable, in comparison to other Cape Town eateries.

In addition, they have a trendy bar where you can mingle after work, offering all cocktails for only R20. I couldn’t quite believe that but I checked it out and this is in fact, the case. All cocktails for R20, and they will also make anything you ask, so it’s already on my list for top five after work hangout spots in Cape Town.

Parking is available in the adjacent Riebeek street, and the restaurant stays open till about 11pm, so be sure to make a turn there.

Shaun definitely recommends.

What: Fountains Hotel Restaurant (www.fountainshotel.co.za)
Where: 1 St Georges Mall, Cape Town. (Near the circles at the Foreshore, nearby the one with the fountains)
How Much: + – 150 per person.

Contact: +27 21 443 1100

Charges A Cakeage Fee If You Bring A Cake

Carlyle's Restaurant in Vredehoek.

Carlyle’s is a vibey little restaurant in Vredehoek, full of vibey little people, eating vibey little food. So this was where we found ourselves the other day, because we consider ourselves pretty vibey, and we were really hungry.

The place is not overly large, roughly the size of the lounge at The HQ, so it’s a fairly intimate setting. There were 8 of us who arrived to celebrate an engagement, which proved to be a problem because, as previously mentioned, the place is the size of The HQ’s lounge. Stay with me here.

Anyhoo, after much compromise and gnashing of teeth, we managed to squeeze everyone in, although I was forced to sit inside The Girlfriend’s handbag, which was slightly uncomfortable, but I wasn’t in the mood for complaining.

The place DOES have a nice little vibe, very chilled, without a hint of pretension, and the food was pretty good as well.

They make pizzas, steak, pasta as well as seafood. The entire menu is up on one of the walls, although the waitrons are also able to comfortable rattle off everything, which can take up to 5 mins but is pretty fascinating nonetheless.

We made our waitron repeat herself three times and she didn’t forget a single item. I know this because I am a bit of a Rain Man myself. If you don’t know who Rain Man is, I suggest you go and hire the DVD. Basically it’s a great little 80′s flick starring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman.

Back to the subject at hand, the bill came and we were pleasantly surprised to see that they had charged us an extra fee for what they called “cakeage”. Like “corkage” except with cake.

Yes, we had brought in a cake as part of the celebrations. All we wanted to do was have our cake and eat it.

The Cake.

So yes, whilst Carlyle’s may offer a good night out, beware of their extra costs.

The Cakeage Fee.

They charge a corkage fee, as well as a cakeage fee. In addition, they allegedly also charge extra fees for any dinner party bringing in fat people, men who wear two toned shirts as well as women who have overly large heads. So be warned.

What: Carlyle’s
Where: 17 Derry Street, Vredehoek
How Much: + – R120 per person. (That includes a stiff Jameson or three)

Consumers Unhappy With These Cape Town Restaurants

Unhappy Consumers - Unhappy With Bad Service.

Besides my usual batch of fan mail, hate mail, pics of naked women, pics of naked men, and adverts promising to cure my bald spot; I received the following two emails this week.

One relates to a particularly bad experience at the Quarterdeck Restaurant, situated at the Grand West Casino, whilst the other was more of a concern regarding the excessive wine prices at Belthazar Restaurant, situated at the V & A Waterfront.

Not having much going on at the moment, I thought this would be an interesting case study to see whether these two establishments would take the time to address these grievances, or simply ignore them and foster resentment on the part of the customer.

Strong words there Bernie. I wonder if the manager will be contacting you now.

A good point Louis, I actually remember a story a few months back about Belthazar charging a customer R9000 for a bottle of wine.

I’ve sent the two establishments this url, and encouraged them to respond. Let’s wait and see if they do, and what they have to say regarding the points raised.