Things To Do During Load Shedding

Besides bedtime and my mid-morning foot wash, Eskom load shedding is my favourite time of the day, allowing me to do a number of fun and entertaining things which I would otherwise not have the time to do, such as writing in my journal or brushing my teeth.

With the aid of my trusty photographer The Girlfriend, we can illustrate some of the cool things I have done during the recent blackouts, which may inspire you next time the power goes out.


1) Working Out - I have a home gym at The HQ. Here, I am lifting a 200kg dumbbell with my left arm, whilst making a lean smoked chicken sarmie with my free hand. Notice how the perspiration sits on my huge muscles. I must have done a 1000 reps. That's how strong I am.


2) Deep Thinking - I often use the time to sit quietly and contemplate important matters, such as the state of the Middle East, and the sheer pointlessness of South African singer Danny K. The above photograph captures the moment where I have just stumbled upon the true meaning of life, which is written in bold print on that piece of parchment I'm holding. Now everyone will know!


3) Catching Up With Friends - No, this picture isn't Photoshopped. It really IS him. What's an A-list Hollywood star doing rubbing shoulders with ME, you may ask? We were introduced by mutual friends at Asoka one night and we got on pretty well, so now he occasionally pops around for a Jameson or two. Or three. I think he has a drinking problem, but we don't really talk about it. And neither should you.


4) Taking Up A New Hobby - During the last power cut I decided to take up ESP, as it seemed like an interesting subject and I had some time to kill. Here, I showcase my ability to levitate to the ceiling of The HQ, using only my mind. I can see you're impressed but it's not something I will try and do too often, as it left me with a helluva headache.


5) Making Love - Here, The Girlfriend and I demonstrate how agile and flexible we both are as we contort our bodies in the midst of unbridled passion. I know this is a little risque to be showing, but I'm a little drunk as I write this. This little maneuver we're doing is known as the "Pretzel", which is pretty easy to figure out why.

Anyhoo, these are just some of the things you could be doing next time the electricity switches off and you can't play on your Xbox anymore. Feel free to write back with any other suggestions you may have.

Although it's unlikely that I would bother reading it.

Send it anyway though, if it makes you feel better.

God, I'm such a bitch today, just ignore me.



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