As We Turn To Rugby

As many of you know, I have a huge and diverse range of hobbies. These range from hiking on the mountainside, to creating near flawless forgeries of the paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci. (Using my mouth, as I find hand painting rather unfulfilling these days) My favourite hobby though, is undoubtedly sleeping. It’s a past time I try and do every day and, after 23 years, it’s something I’m rather good at. I decided to give sleep a miss this last Saturday morning, opting instead to be up at the ungodly hour of 6:30am, in order to watch my beloved Stormers play rugby. “Who plays rugby at 6:30 in the morning?” I hear some of you asking. Apparently this is common practice in New Zealand, a small Scottish town near Australia, which was made famous by the 90’s pop super group Crowded House.

The Stormers were playing the Highlanders, a group of immortals who can only be vanquished through decapitation (you chop off their heads). This well-known fact seemed to be lost on our Cape Town locals though who, seemingly unfamiliar with Duncan McLeod and his ilk, were given an almighty spanking by the Scotsmen. Once the first hiding was administered (by Highlander Jimmy Cowan, who put De Wet Barry over his knee) the Stormers began to panic, throwing the ball around with the finesse of a Fiddler sea crab.

Stormers - As Skillful As A Fiddler Sea Crab

People say coach Kobus van der Merwe is spreading himself too thin, citing the fact that he also hosts the game show Deal Or No Deal on Mnet, but that isn’t the problem. It’s obvious that the Stormers need to harden up.

Australia had a similar problem many many years ago, consistently losing at rugby, cricket, football and any competitive sport you could think of before turning things around thanks to a secret motivational tape which was passed down from generation to generation. Today Aussie sportsmen are famous the world over for their grizzled hardness, their iron-clad toughness… and their inability to hold their liquor.

Australia have hardened up.