The Fat White Guy Is Just Pretending To Be A Chop

Cliff Jennings - A Mediocre Fat White Guy. Pretending To Be Mediocre.

As a budding cabaret performer and musical artist, I have often dreamt of becoming “South Africa’s next Idol”, singing side by side with such musical heavyweights as Heinz Winckler and Karin Kortje, before ultimately sharing a stage with the legendary and irrepressible Kurt Darren.

And so every year, I can be found among the hundreds of wannabe singers, as well as the jokers looking for television time, in the queues waiting for my chance to audition.

Alas, I have never made it before the main judges - Dave, Mara, Gareth and Randal - as the preliminary judges I encounter are always heavily intoxicated by the time I get to sing for them, thus severely impairing their judgement, and preventing me from showcasing my considerable talent. The closest I ever got to seeing the “main guys” was the time the preliminary judge offered to put me through if I showed him a bit of leg.

Being a man of great principle, I obviously declined, but it really hurts when I see the dross that gets to sing in front of Randal Abrahams.

Which brings me to the particular case of the mediocre fat white guy, known as “Cliff Jennings”, or “Cliffie” to his mates. Apparently, in an attempt to boost ratings, Idols South Africa decided to rope in an actor to play the bumbling Jennings, supposedly a wannabe singer who writes his own music and follows the judges across the country, desperately trying to get into the next round.

I suppose they are trying to create a cult favourite like that bloke they had on American idol, William Hung?

Remember?

Well, they have been caught out now.

A couple of blogs have already broken the news, and things should pick up pretty rapidly now, as these bloggers are worse than old coloured women, when it comes to gossip and rumour.

You can read about it at Bruinman (Brownman) who I think first broke the story. Well done Brownman, a future in investigative reporting surely awaits you.

Will be interesting to see what Mnet and Idols response will be to this. Will they actually admit to the fraud, and play it off as an elaborate joke, or deny knowing anything about this?

While they’re on the subject, will they also then admit that Randal is trying to be a Simon Cowell clone, and that Gareth Cliff is a big wally?

Let’s wait and see.